The thematic title is blatantly stolen from Charlotte, who is awesome and even responds to my whiny emails.

In the past week I have started several posts bemoaning my laziness but I never finished them. A parable. Sort of. Like that episode of the West Wing, when Donna whines to Josh about the budget surplus not meaning a tax refund, because Democrats know how to spend your money better than you do, and then she refuses to give him change from buying lunch, because she knows how to spend the change better than he does. Or something. Clearly my West Wing obsession is out of control. But I have nothing better to do in suburbia. I could temper the obsession by starting to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which I’ve seen bits and pieces of over the years, but never chronologically.

Or I could, you know, read a book. I recently read “Reproduction is the Flaw of Love” (or something like that. And I don’t remember the author, but I’m not going to google that at work.) The book itself was ok, but the premise made me so antsy that I had to skip to the end before I could concentrate on the middle. I do this sometimes.

A bunch of new, interesting positions (for which I am highly qualified) came up on today’s job search.  One is at Much-Coveted-Organization. They no doubt recieve thousands of resumes for every job posting. On some level, I feel that if I don’t get my application in seconds after the posting goes live, I’m screwed. But then maybe waiting a few days, until the announcement “cools down” so to speak is a viable strategy, given that it’s going to take me at least until tomorrow afternoon to put together an application, properly. And no one reads mail on Friday. So maybe it should wait until Monday. These are the things I’ve been thinking about lately. You’ll forgive me for not posting, right?  You should thank me for not posting them, actually. 

Oh and my resume has an NJ address and I’m applying for jobs in DC, and it has occured to me that maybe I should use a local address (of one of my friends) but won’t that just make things more complicated? I’m still at my current job, in NJ. And I’d need a little notice for an interview. Sigh. I fear that I may end of staying here until I go more insane than I am already going, and then quitting my job (which will no doubt be a bad move. I have never quit a job before. Well that’s not true. I worked for a headhunter for 2.5 weeks.) and moving to DC and sleeping on Keith’s couch forever, and I won’t find a job and I’ll run through all my savings and it will be another failed experiment and I will have to go back to answering phones, and I will do that for the rest of my life.

I enjoy writing long, run-on sentences with fatalistic predictions.

Oh, and I just got an email informing me that my car is being recalled. Awesome!

The utter laziness of this weekend (in which I did not even do laundry) disgusts me. Occasionally the sloth-ness of my existences gets to me and I spend Monday feeling icky about my hardcore indulgence in one of the seven deadly sins. I am hoping to rectify this by doing my laundry tonight and perhaps straightening my room, but the number of hours I spend sitting on my bed with my laptop is really obscene.

I’m getting punchy. Maybe I would also feel better if I cleaned my desk, but instead I am choosing to whine unattractively.

It’s not that I hate the person I am now. I’m ok with her, the girl who has developed an unhealthy West Wing (or more accurately Josh/Donna) obsession, the girl who reloads her email every 90 seconds, the girl who eats far too many of these delicious crispy pretzel-cracker things. She is better off than the person I was a year ago, even if I have to refer to her in third person. But sometimes, I am just so sick of her, and she is so sick of her surroundings, and we are so impatient for it not to be this way.

I know of all the suggestons and solutions , the if you don’t like where you are or what you’re doing then it is up to you to change that. I’m working on that, I am – the Libertarian fellowship was certainly a huge part of that. But it’s a slow process and it feels like a lot of hurry up and wait and go nowhere fast, and so for now I’m just stuck being the girl I am now, who has nowhere to wear all her pretty new one-size smaller clothes.

In April, I will have been in suburbia for two years, when it was supposed to be for a few months. In May, I will be 27, and before I know it, another summer will speed by. Time is going to fast and I’m not keeping up with it, and while I’m doing as much as I can to find a way to get to a place where I want to be, there are only so many avenues and outlets. There’s a recession, there’s reality, and there’s logistics.

I didn’t mean for this to turn into such an existential angst fest, but my whining should be recorded. For posterity’s sake.

I finished the West Wing last night, and got depressed, because in general I find Series Finale’s terribly depressing, and this one particularly so, because it’s all about endings and change, and I deal with neither very well, apparently. And also, Josh and Donna melted my heart, and yet makes me sad in the way Dawson’s Creek used to make me sad when I was 15.

I am apparently jealous of the alleged emotions of tv characters.

So, it’s back to work and I’m drinking tea instead of my second cup of coffee, because it’s the New Year and I really should cut back on my coffee consumption.  I’m debating job hunting tactics with David and catching up on my filing.  I was irritated by 8:30.  I have a to-do list for January that contains nothing difficult but already looks intimidating. I would really like to lose 10 pounds (at least) but that requires a gym and getting over my gym phobia.

Sigh. My wish for 2010 is to be more social, the fulfillment of which is severely limited by my current suburban-circumstances.

I’m wearing a black polo shirt with a red cardigan and the guy at the register at Express told me I was wearing the “Black Friday uniform.” (he was wearing Black and Red, and was dressed like a hipster)

I went and got yet another suiting option for the interview next week. Because I am obsessive, even though I have THREE perfectly lovely options, I am annoyed because I cannot find black pinstripes. I have black pinstripe pants, and can’t find a blazer to go with them. I was willing to start from scratch, but I haven’t been able to find anything.

I have bought more, thought more about, and written more about clothes in the past month and a half than in possibly my entire life. It’s like wanting to play dress-up.

It’s too late to take a nap, but I’m tired. I’ll be up earlyish tomorrow for an appointment, and then I’m going into the city to meet up with Michael. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been in the city in the past year and each of them has been weird.

Other Things That Are Bothering Me:

1) My interview is in a week and that is not enough time for my ragged, bitten fingernails to be improved. I know the only solution is “stop biting your nails” but I don’t even realize I’m doing it half the time. And I’ve tried the disgusting tasting nail polish, but I’m so dedicated that I still bit my nails, even when wearing it. Anyway, I know that people are judged on appearances in interviews, so I am hoping I can remember to keep my hands positioned so as to hide my fingertips as much as possible.

2) For some reason I am slightly nervous about trip logistics, even though I have been to DC via train a number of times, and I’m going down a day early, so even a delay is not the end of the world.

3) Admittedly, the city sometimes still makes me think of/miss HWSNBN. He was the one who introduced me to the city, for real, and I never would have moved there if it weren’t for him, and even though it has been years, sometimes it still hits me when I’m taking the PATH in.

4) I am going through the West Wing WAY TOO FAST. Ok, it’s really good, so I’ll probably want to re-watch the whole thing anyway, right? And I’ll want to watch all the commentaries/extras?

I like Thanksgiving time, because it has generally good memories surrounding it. And also, good Thanksgiving episodes of TV – including an episode of House. I did not think it was possible for me to love Hugh-Laurie-as-House more than I already do, and yet he continues to impress.

I just have to say, related to nothing (besides my second weekend of West Wing-ing)

Josh: If you were in an accident, I wouldn’t stop for a beer                                                                                                          Donna: If you were in an accident, I wouldn’t stop for red lights

So cute! No one leave me ANY comments on plot points because I don’t want to be spoiled, (even though already know a major plot point from a stupid TWoP blurb.)

I am SUCH a girl when it comes to TV ’shippiness. Actually, I am such a fifteen year old girl when it comes to TV ’shippiness.  Clearly, I need help.

I have nothing else to say. This window has been open for hours.

I have been dead-on-my-feet the past few days. I didn’t think my sleep had been particularly terrible, but I got a good night’s worth last night and I feel at least 65% better, so maybe it was the lack of good sleep.

I watched the new show “Flash Forward” on ABC last night. I think I like it. I also watched the new SVU and liked the episode and Elliot Stabler is ridiculously hot, as always. I don’t care how bad the show has gotten so long as he is there. Although I am still bitter they put him back with his wife + new baby instead of continuing along the “torturing the fans who want Elliot & Olivia to hook up with lots of mixed signals.”

And with that paragraph I have officially written about TV more this week then ever before.

No spoilers here, but I very much enjoyed the House season premiere. Yes, there were some things, especially in the last 20 minutes, that required a suspension of disbelief/were fixed too easily, but that’s why TV is a guilty pleasure (for me, at least) – I don’t want to analyze it to death. I definitely teared up at the Talent Show part and the music box.  Hugh Laurie was oh so good in this episode.

I would like to pull together some coherent thoughts on a single topic, but after an hour of trying and failing, I am thinking it is just not going to happen. There are about five different things I could babble about and yet I keep starting paragraphs and erasing sentences.

Do you know what I HATE? Overhearing people talk about TV shows and getting really simple plot details confused/wrong. I also hate overhearing people talk about “you know that movie, with that guy, when he’s doing that thing and there’s that other guy…” when the movie they’re trying to figure out is REALLY OBVIOUS.

This should not bother me because a) I rarely see movies. I have not seen most of the “classic” movies of my generation (Dirty Dancing, Back to the Future, Ghostbusters, Star Wars,  Pulp Fiction), and therefore, have no place to judge others for not being able to figure out a movie and b) Ditto for TV shows.

HOWEVER, given that, if the movie is something that even I know, then EVERYONE should know it without having to play the “you know that movie where…” game, because I’m pretty sure that everybody knows that movie with Morgan Freeman, where they’re in prison, in like the 50s, and the other guy, Morgan Freeman’s friend,  Didn’t Do It, and he escapes.

I hope I didn’t spoil Shawshank for anyone. That’s actually my favorite movie ever, even though a) based on the evidence, Andy Duphrane would have never been convicted. Prosecution definitely doesn’t meet burden of proof and b) I actually had someone explain to me a long theory about how Andy Duphrane was actually guilty, and I was just like “No, shut up, Andy Duphrane would never kill his wife, but then it had me thinking and is that the point? Are we really not supposed to know if he’s guilty or not? Because the movie does a pretty obvious job of the “Andy is like, for real innocent” angle. I’ve really only skimmed the short story, so I don’t know if it’s more ambiguous in writing.

I would like to adjust my attitude as of late to be more like Morgan Freeman in the last ten minutes of that movie, where he hopes because “Hope is a good thing. Maybe even the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.”

Given the details that I’m not going to go into exactly WHY House last night was especially touching,  maybe I would do well to remember that thing about hope. Especially given my daily existential crises about the future. But that’s another entry all together. Although not one of the five things I was thinking of when I sat down to write today.

(During a commercial break)

Jill-IAN: …
Me: I KNOW!
Jill-IAN: That was like…
Me: I know! Why?!??!

Elliot Stabler is still incredibly hot. (Hello shameless camera shot.)  But the latest development in the storyline is completely unacceptable! It totally intrudes on all shipper-ness. I am 14 years old, clearly.