The Daily Show is in repeats and I couldn’t sleep, so I watched the11:00 PM episode of Seinfeld. It was “The Deal

I’ve always liked the episode of Seinfeld where, bored one evening and watching television, Jerry and Elaine decided to have sex (“that”),and come up with rules so that it doesn’t complicate their friendship(“this”).

Of course their rules fail them miserably. Elaine gets annoyed when Jerry doesn’t spend the night (“staying the night is optional!”), Jerry doesn’t know how to handle Elaine getting annoyed. And then he makes the mistake of giving her cash for her birthday, and referring to her as “kid.” So, she informs him their little arrangement isn’t going to work. This episode was on last night, and this little bit of profundity stood out to me:

“So no ‘this’?” Jerry asks

“No”

“And no “that?”

“No!”
“What do you want?!?” Jerry asks her in frustration.

“I want this…that…and the other thing,” Elaine admits sheepishly.

“Who doesn’t want this…that…and the other thing?” Jerry asks flippantly.

“You,” she exclaims in equal parts frustration and sadness.

(and I just put way more thought into that scene than any sane person ever should.)

Who ever said that Seinfeld was emotion-free? Of course, the character of Jerry Seinfeld is a bit of an extreme example, because as the series progressed, he played the perpetual bachelor, but this little exchange is example of what I mentioned in Andrea Dworkin Dies about feminism making more men fear commitment.

Elaine also remained singlethroughout the series – her character was intelligent, with good – if slightly eclectic – jobs. She was seemingly put together, but when it came to men, she was hopeless.

I realize, that almost everything I write comes back to therelationships between men and women. That, or boys, and I’m not quitesure what that says about me. If it weren’t for boys to distract me Iwould be on my way to taking over the world right now. I know a very smart woman who admits that in college she “minored in guys.” I think about a “Chicks Before Dicks” gathering I attended in college, andremember how, despite our efforts to bash men, the more wine we had,the more the conversation turned to “telling stories about cute things boys have done for us.” Boys drive us crazy, and we love it.

If you put a group of women together who don’t know each other that well,that’s how we tend to find common ground: we talk about boys. I am an intelligent, rational woman, but boys have always been the one thingthat can reduce to an emotion-ridden head case.

As Xina accused me of the weekend after I finally got together with HWSNBN, I become Sydney Ellen Wade to an Andrew Shepard – a smart woman reduced to nothing.

Perhaps this is what feminists mean when they talk about the power menhave over women, and why it’s better to stay single and keep thosedamn men from ruining your life. Maybe it’s because many of us know that no matter how tough we are alot of still want this…that…and the other thing. We know we can get “that.” We can probably get “this.” But as for “the other thing?”

Most days “the other thing” seems pretty hopeless.

I Could Not Ask For More