.

Yes, “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” was on as I drove out of the parking lot at work. No, I did not cue it up on my iPod. The universe is just amusing.

Thursday is my last day, and I keep catching myself doing things, with the frame of mind of “this will make my life easier in the future,” and then I realize, “Wait, no, I won’t be here.” Somehow, part of my brain thinks that this temp I’m training is just that; a temp, and that I’m going to have to come back and handle CLE forms and update benefit plan provisions.

I didn’t get to take a carload of stuff to DC this weekend, and this entire move has been riddled with set-backs and roadblocks, and it’s all very frustrating. I think the moving process is my least favorite thing ever. I just want to be settled. I keep thinking that I just have to make it until Saturday, but even then, we won’t have furniture yet. And then, my parents will be visiting the weekend of the 18th, and I would really just like to get through that first visit, because I know exactly how it will go, and I can’t relax until it’s done. Oh yeah, and there’s my first day of work on Tuesday. That should be interesting too.

I know all these thoughts are normal, as are the pangs of nostalgia I feel for everything about my soon-to-be-former job.

I want to speed through the next few days, so I can just get to DC and get settled. But I’m still not ready for this to be over. I guess I would never be ready. That’s where “look if you like, but you will have to leap” comes in. That you have to take a step before you’re ready; because if you wait to be ready, you’ll never take this step.

“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place . . . Like you’ll not only miss the people you love, but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”

These past two days have been very, very long. Not bad, but draining. Interviewing people for your own job is a bizarre thing.

Going over “transition” things at work. My boss accusing me of being “mopey” (I am) and me getting far more emotional than one should be in the workplace (“I’m really sad I’m not going to be working for you anymore,”  I said. “Me too,” was the reply). At least I haven’t cried. (Yet. I was close today)

Hearing my co-workers and bosses say the nicest things about me. Having this attorney from one of our outside firms call ME directly to wish me luck, ask for my contact info, and tell me that if I ever need a job, to call her.

Discussing the interviewees, and at least a dozen times, teased “Or, you know, you could stay” (My boss has only offered that one time. Ok, maybe ten). A battle not to confuse nostalgia with doubt (“One starts with “N”, one starts with “D” Did you already forget how to file?”) Freaking out a little, because I don’t know if I’ll be good at my new job, and it’s so comfortable here, and maybe I don’t want to leave.

A half a dozen projects landing in my lap, with the request to finish before I leave. My reaction, which is annoyance, followed by defiance (“what’s he going to do if I don’t finish it? Fire me?), and then resignation that of course I’m going to do it, because I’m me.

My favorite co-worker’s epiphany (“How did I not notice”).  And then later, “Yeah, how did you not notice?!?”

Wondering if I’ll get around to organizing the files in the top drawer. Forgetting to remind people of last minute things because there is so much on my mind, and not remembering until I’m at home tossing thoughts at the computer screen.

Already missing, and looking at it all with far too much nostalgia (it’s just a freaking job) because I am the most maudlin person on the planet. Sad, simply, because for all the lovely comments about how I’m irreplaceable (oh please. It’s just a job, than anyone could do) this is far more irreplaceable.