The problem is that when I actually care about the job I’m applying for I obsess (overthink?) the application, spend possibly way too much time on it, and often wind up giving up and not applying. How do you explain in a job application that you just see these ideas as fundamentally right and that you want to put every ounce of your energy behind them? How do you strike the right balance between professionalism (these are my qualities: and look! they match the job requirements perfectly) and passion (my god I will answer phones, I will make coffee, I will make copies, I will DO ANYTHING just to work for this type of organization)?

Juding by the number of responses, my applications often fall short.

Right now, I just wrote two paragraphs about how I came to my libertarian ideas, (an EXTREME CliffNotes version)

My passion for free market and liberty oriented ideas was not ignited in the traditional manner of being exposed to the great works of Hayek and Friedman. That came later. While a college student, I listened to my fellow students advocate for ideas that involved government “solutionss” and referenced “the public good.” I disagreed with them, but I couldn’t pinpoint why. Then, in “Contemporary American Conservatism” I read Charles Murray’s “What It Means To Be A Libertarian,” and it clicked.

In the classroom, I became very well-educated in what I didn’t believe in. In small reading groups, in internet forums, and in volunteer work, I became very well educated in what I did believe in; that is that a free market society with an absence of government intrusion is the best atmosphere for the continuing advancement of humankind.  

My passion for free market and liberty oriented ideas was not ignited in the traditional manner of being exposed to the great works of Hayek and Friedman. That came later. While a college student, I listened to my fellow students advocate for ideas that involved government “solutionss” and referenced “the public good.” I disagreed with them, but I couldn’t pinpoint why. Then, in “Contemporary American Conservatism” I read Charles Murray’s “What It Means To Be A Libertarian,” and it clicked.

In the classroom, I became very well-educated in what I didn’t believe in. In small reading groups, in internet forums, and in volunteer work, I became very well educated in what I did believe in; that is that a free market society with an absence of government intrusion is the best atmosphere for the continuing advancement of humankind. 

And now I must debate whether that should go in the letter.

My co-worker was teasing me about it, to which I shrugged and said “Residuals from my last job. It still gives me nightmares.” (Because more than two years later, it still does)

It seems I have not yet let go of NaBloPoMo, so I was thinking of extending it. How long, I don’t know. 100 days is a nice even number, but there’s the challenge of my vacation in mid-August.

Speaking of mid-August. There’s a gathering in St. Louis in August of people from Message Board of Note. The last time we had one of these was the much mentioned, disasterous Chicago trip. The weekend where everything that went wrong, did go wrong. (Through copicious fault on my own, and also because O-L-B was/is a total jackass).

So I don’t know if I should go to St. Louis. There’s going to be lots of drinking, probably, and I don’t know if I should be around that temptation. O-L-B isn’t going to be there (if he was, I would be 100% not going. The thought of being in his presence makes my skin crawl) and neither will Ohio, so the potential for drama factor is low. But I still don’t know if it’s a good idea. Plus, it falls right at the end of my already planned family-friends vacation. In order to go, I’d have to leave Rhode Island a couple days ealier than intended. And while it’s not prohibitively expensive, I really should throw that money at paying off my car, if I’m going to enact A Plan by next February.

That’s a lot in the “con” column, lets talk about pros. Pro is that I would get to see Ellie, who I have not seen in way too long. Pro is that I would get to meet a few people in person who I have not already met. (Con: Minus Ellie, none of my most favorite people will be there.) Pro is that I would probably have fun once I got there, despite the seeming dread, and lord knows I could use  a little fun in my life.

I don’t know, so I’ m putting off the decision.

I really need to go back to the philosophy of One Day At A Time. When you immerse yourself in it, it is surprisingly effective. I didn’t know that before March 2009, but now I am a reluctant (if also forgetful) believer.

I have had “Half of my Heart” (John Mayer) stuck in my head for about a week now. And I only know the chorus.

Also, James Madison is my favorite founder.

The means of defense against foreign danger historically have become the instruments of tyranny at home

Gee James, did you look ahead to the foreign policy plans of the Bush Administration? (The Bush Administration: Now in it’s 10th year)

Since the general civilization of mankind, I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments than by violent and sudden usurpation

The FCC, Joe Lieberman & the Internet Kill Switch. The fact that I have to show my license and sign a book in order to buy Sudafed. THE FUCKING PATRIOT ACT. Yes, Mr. Madison, I believe you were on to something.

Now, I have my issues with Thomas Jefferson. I think he’s a bit overrated. But Jefferson did speak (perhaps flippantly) about the need for a revolution every few decades.

I’m not suggesting we start another Whisky Rebellion. But Jefferson was probably on to something as well.

*Madison was really short. Also, really young when he wrote his Federalist Papers. It’s a good way to feel even more unaccomplished.

But it was a good few days; I practically got a weekend of mini-celebration. Thursday was trivia night, which we won. The final question was in regards to the Wizard of Oz, so I maintain that it is still following me. Somewhere, pictures exist of me in a  pink tutu and frilly pink leotard from when I part of the “Lullabye League.” I am sure they will surface should I decide to run for public office.

On Sunday, I met up with Ben, another Libertarian-Internet-Stranger-Friend in Philly, where I had never been. We wandered around and I babbled a lot and it was good conversation. It’s weird; I’d never met Ben, just talked on Message Board of Note and gchat, and on Sunday I felt completely comfortable around him. We talked politics, libertarian job applications, history, and I filled him in on the details of my libertarian boy drama. Or rather, the libertarian boy drama that I used to have.

Message Board of Note has been less and less a part of my daily routine, but days like Sunday remind me that once upon a time MBON saved my life. Indirectly speaking, of course.

I was definitely in need of the warm fuzzy feeling I had driving home on Sunday, especially since my crankiness ran so deep that even the trivia night victory barely shook me out of it. I’m not so much cranky now as I am dulled.  I have to get up ridiculously early to bring my car in for repairs. I hate Wednesday nights.  It seems like an awful long time between paychecks lately.

Time drags, but its the end of May, I’m officially in my late 20s, and no better off than the 22 year old on her first job and apartment hunt.

So here’s the thing. I watched my facebook page explode with status updates in response to the bill. I have some reactionary Republicans who are not happy, but they hate everything Obama does, so whatever. What I found more interesting is the reaction of the libertarian leaning folks (and I know a lot of them). There are actually different shades of libertarians. The people you probably think of when you hear “libertarian” are the craziest, because they are the most vocal.

They’re the ones yelling about socialism, and write your reps to tell them you oppose, and Glenn Beck is one of the worst. I don’t know when he decided someone died and left him the modern day messiah of the libertarian movement, but I know my Libertarian Message Board has had more than one thread dedicated to how much we want him to go away.

My internet-stranger-friend actually sums it up much better than me:

This reform bill really doesn’t do much. Mostly it’s a mish-mash of stuff that’s of the “mildly bad idea” variety. Tax on medical devices? That’s stupid, but not going to end the world. Making it harder to deduct medical expenses from your taxes? Again, completely counter-intuitive if the ostensible agenda is lowering health care costs. Same goes for extensions of medicare – but that’s already expensive and nonsensical, I mean, why give rich old people free health care? Forcing more money from the “evil pharma” companies who have the audacity to make life-saving and life-improving drugs and only ask that you, you know, pay for them? Stupid, but not the end of the world. Most of the rest of it will make your premiums go up, but since costing you money is all Washington is good at, that shouldn’t be much of a surprise. The mandate won’t do what they say it will, and I certainly can’t find it in the ennumerated powers of the Federal Government, but it also doesn’t go into effect for several years and that’s eternity in DC. The time inconsistency problem of government might strangle it in the crib. So calm the fuck down, it isn’t the end of the world. It certainly isn’t socialism, really. And if you think this is the last straw or should be cause for violent revolution, get out of the libertarian camp and go cheer for Team Red with the rest of Glenn Beck’s mouthbreathing fans.

The underlying problem (to me) is this sets yet another precedent for the government stepping in to “fix” things. This is nothing new, of course, but it’s basically been all downhill since the New Deal. 

Whenever I say the government shouldn’t be in the business of providing healthcare, I am asked for a solution. My proposal is that we start with SEVERELY curbing the  FDA (the drug approval process is expensive and lack of access to different types of drugs is (in part) what drives up the costs of drugs). Then we eliminate the malpractice insurance industry. And we’ll go from there.

I’m not super worried about this bill in terms of “stupid things the government has done” and the pre-existing conditions bit is a good change. But I guess my issue with the healthcare as a right argument/agenda is that training someone to become a doctor is still incredibly expensive, the research and design that goes into making a new drug is incredibly expensive (and also requires a huge amount of knowledge/education), and cutting edge equipment is incredibly expensive. And in the U.S., we do tend to have (and demand) the best of all three.

In the U.S., we have the option to  demand the best. If we don’t like what one doctor says, we get a second opinion. We sue when things go wrong. We expect doctors on call when we need them and our drugs to work. We compare our system to Canada or the UK, and spout stats about being the only modern industrialized nation that doesn’t take care of it’s citizens healthcare.

But we treat medicine as a free market industry. Basic access to basic care is what it comes down to in the so-called enlightened nations, and we should have as much. But we shouldn’t pretend that it is a “right” to have unfetttered access to only the best, to demand such a high level of protection (in the form of drug regulation),  and expect not to have to compensate the source or the provider.

Edited to add: I don’t remember if I made this clear elsewhere, but I don’t think the “reform” is going to save the average person (i.e., me and you, dear readers) any money.  You’re always paying the government somehow.

It worked and I was pleased with myself and that was probably the only fun thing I did all day.

This weekend, there is the county meeting of the liberty-oriented political group. I have been looking forward to this, but right now I am so tired that I can’t even think about it.  I will definitely go and it will definitely good to get out and also be around smart, motivated people who are interested in working towards similiar ends. Oh, the meeting will be 95% male. I’ve joked before that one of the reasons I’m a libertarian is for the guys. I’m only half kidding. Maybe only even a quarter kidding. I mean, I was a libertarian first, and then I found out that almost the entire movement is male.

Evidence of my sleepiness: I opened a new browser window to do…something. In the seconds it took to open I forgot what I’d opened it for.  Oh yeah; bank balance! My bonus for the 2 half of 2009 was deposited. It’s a teeny-tiny bonus (and no raise, even though I am now doing the job of 3 people) but I suppose I should insert the requisite line about being grateful that there’s any bonus in this economy. Etc.

Now I’m trying to decide if I should make an extra car payment or funnel it towards the just opened “Moving Fund.” Emergency Fund is doing quite well and will be completely funded when I get my tax refund. But I am indecisive as to what to do next. I need a solid fund for moving (apartment deposit, first month/last month rent, sundry expenses) and a car fund (insurance hike, repairs) but I’m also wondering about opening a Roth IRA. I already have a 401(k) through work, that I contribute to and my employer matches.

This is really too much thought to give to such a small amount of money, but it is unexpected money (I didn’t think the company was giving bonuses this year) and so I am pondering. Six months ago this probably wouldn’t have struck me, but I’ve gotten really into reading Personal Finance blogs.

I can go home in about 4.5 hours. It took me way longer than it should have to calculate that I can go home in 4.5 hours. I need a nap.

I overslept this morning. My cell phone (alarm clock) shut itself off in the middle of the night. I am overdue for a new phone, but I’ve been reluctant to give this one up. It is the only phone I’ve ever had that doesn’t suck. Since every piece of electronic equipment I touch tends to break, I don’t really want to buy a fancy phone. I don’t even have  QWERTY keypad.

Anyway, now I’m here, wearing a t-shirt (it was too hot for the sweater I put on) with a really, really scratchy sweater-jacket thing that I keep putting on and taking off. I’m browsing online for clothes I REALLY do not need. But I am a total sucker when stores put up sample outfits and then do “get this look” because I am basically incapable of putting together good outfits myself. So GAP has one now, and really Gap? $54.95 for this shirt? That’s ridiculous. But I still want the outfit. If I still had a could find my long-lost GAP credit card, I would buy it in a second. Oh and now I’m looking at Banana Republic clothes, even though I have never bought anything from that store in my life, but now I AM TEMPTED by overpriced cardigans.

These would just be more clothes I don’t need/clothes I am buying for a job/life I don’t have yet. With my luck, they will all be lost in a flood or housefire or something.

I found another good job to apply for, with SUPER AWESOME pay, that I am just barely qualified for, but the organizations website has been down and so I can’t investigate for useful information (which I am really good at. I am a good researcher. Hire me as a research associate, please). And then there’s this other job that pays pennies, but could be okay, and I really should be writing cover letters instead of, you know, daydreaming about buying outfits from Banana Republic.

I hate the Tuesday-Wednesdy part of the week. It can’t be Thursday soon enough.

It took me two hours to get to work this morning due to the snow and people not knowing how to drive.

I think I have applied for every job in DC that I am possibly interested in, minus the government jobs, which just require an insane amount of time per application. Is it hypocritical for a libertarian to work for the federal governemnt? Possibly yes, but if I want to get to DC it may be in my self interest.

Speaking of libertarian idea(l)s, we were discussing the SOTU on The Libertarian Message Board last night. There was of course nothing surprising or new about Obama’s speech. He does not make me rageful in the ways that GWB did, but the alleged Savior of the left sure has been pretty useless. The Dems are such pussies. Anyway, my idea was I want someone to run for president on the campaign of Doing Nothing. No initiatives, no new government programs, no changes, NOTHING. Just keep the status quo and grind government action to a halt.

Of course, the logistics of the government “grinding to a halt” are a bit more complicated (but just a bit, I swear), but the theory behind stalemate is solid. People on both sides complain that lack of bi-partisanship makes it impossible to get anything done, but I’m fine with the two parties bickering their way into inaction. People on both sides also complain when their party isn’t in power in either Congress or the Presidency about the other party having an unchecked mandate. (The mandate, with which, the Dems have still been unable (unwilling) to put together a healthcare bill)

So I say we elect a bunch of underachievers with no ambition of achieving greatness. That’s where we also get in trouble. The idea that the government can give us all these wonderful things. Not only does it set you up for disappointment (which I think the Obama campaign did, for a lot of people) it makes you forget that the government shouldn’t be providing these things in the first place.  (A government big enough to give you anything, is big enough to take everything away.

I was up way too late last night, and then there was the commute from hell and I am supposed to actually be social tonight but I’m half hoping we have to postpone due to weather. Suburbia is killing my motivation.

I am also very sneezy and in need of Claritan D, which I don’t have because you have to show your Driver’s License and sign for because its a controlled substance, or whatever the Drug Czars have classified it. These are the little regulations that people brush off as “not a big deal,” as in “I’m not doing anything wrong, so I’m not worried about the store/state/government having these records. Sure its a little inconvenient, but what’s the big deal?” but are, to me, prime examples of a way in which our personal liberty is slowly chipped away. Blah, blah, blah Libertarian Conspiracy Theory.

In my ideal world, there is no FDA (or it exists, but is very, very tiny, and you have a choice to buy things that are not FDA approved at your own risk) and every controlled or illegal substance is now legal.

This segues nicely into the “because I hold these opinions, I really, really need to get this Libertarian fellowship.”

I find out this week if I get a phone interview. I don’t know if they’ll tell me if I didn’t get it. I would hope so, but that generally does not happen. I’m going to obsessively reload my email all week.

Also, the theme of October is “spend way too much money.” Clothes. Shoes. Hair straigtener-that-actually-magically-straightens-my-hair (a feat that every hair dresser I have been to has failed to accomplish once my hair gets past chin length). Oh and the Tomato Nation/Donors Choose Challenge of course. The way to get me to open my wallet to charity is to introduce a competition aspect. Ayn Rand might even be proud!

So I feel obligated to tell you that you should donate, because if I don’t tell you, and it goes unfunded, I’ll feel guilty because I should have done more. It’s like that scene at the end of Schindler’s List, where he’s looking around at all the other stuff that he could have sold, so he would have more money to use as bribes and he could have saved more Jews.

Yes, exactly like that.

This tasteless comment was brought to you my The People That I’ve Known Forever post. Those three boys, Brent especially, have played a huge role in the development of my utterly tasteless sense of humor. I have very little shame, and often very little tact.

 Secondly, I had a moment this morning of “I am so grateful for my job and that I am not at The-Job-That-Wasn’t.” Due to degrees of crankiness, boredom, etc, there have been much fewer of these moments as there were at-this-time-last-year (and ATTLY, I wasn’t even officially hired yet). So it is good (for both my mood and for my ego) to stop and remind myself of how much good this job has contributed to my life.  This is the attitude I need to keep, should the Libertarian-esque fellowship not come through.

And lastly, for all my bitching about deadlines yesterday, I got an unsolicited email today from someone at Libertarian-Fellowship office to hold off submitting until Monday. I’m not sure why, but perhaps there are still technical glitches with the online application.

So now I have no choice but to indulge in another few rounds of overthinking. I believe the research I want to do is relevant and unique, and it builds on the research I did for my MA thesis. (Carl Schmitt has become popular in the past few years; with my MA thesis I was trendy for perhaps the first time in my life) But I’m still afraid that my application is one giant “So what?”

Despite the fact that “political rants” were the original intention of my blog (started over six years ago) I rarely write about the subject anymore. Therefore, you should check out the latest post at The Kyle Conspiracy about the renewal of the Patriot Act. This is an unfortunate example of the ways in which the Obama Administration is no less “evil” than a McCain (or realistically, any other) administration would have been.

Being a cynical libertarian is fun most of the time! Our pessimistic outlook is usually validated by government failure!

It’s frustrating sometimes, because much of the 20-something blogosphere is decidedly liberal. I do not consider myself a liberal. I suppose I am “liberal” in many of the areas that matter to many 20-somethings: pro-choice (rabidly so), pro-gay marriage (although I think marriage should be privitized and the government should have no place in any marriage), and against the war in Iraq from almost the beginning.

But if forced to choose I’d say I’m a conservative. I think the government should be as small as possible.

I don’t think healthcare should be government run. Given the mess that is our healthcare system, “public option” may look like the only hope for people who make too much for Medicaid but still can’t afford insurance, but I don’t beleive the government will able to do so in an efficient, or more importantly, affordable manner. I think the people who have problems getting health insurance now will still have problems getting health insurance.  No, I don’t think government run health care would be facist or even that socialist – I just don’t think it will be any good. It’d be nice if health insurance was run more like car insurance, but that’s not going to happen anymore than my idea that health insurance industry in general is a bad idea and should be eliminated all together.

I bring up health insurance only because its dominated so much of the media attention lately, and because saying I don’t think government run health insurance is a good idea raises accusations of hating poor people. But I guess I should say for the record that I’m also anti-union, I think the FDA does more harm than good, and I’m against affirmative action.

Now that you’re all on board with assuming that I’m a misguided and terrible person…

Libertarian ideas aren’t very popular and it doesn’t help that the libertarian party itself is filled with batshit insanity. And I’m used to people assuming that I’m a liberal. I don’t get offended by it, but I do get annoyed by the assumption because it’s based on “well you’re educated and you’re not a bad person so of course you’re not a conservative! Those people are religious gun nuts who want all women in the kitchen, barefoot in pregnant” (I’m also a fan of the 2nd amendment and I do not consider myself a feminist)

 I have no problem sitting down and telling you why I hold all the above “evil” opinions (hey, maybe I can convert a few to the libertarian side) but much of my political posturing has become a lot more tongue-in-cheek in the past few years. Partially because arguging about politics — even “debating” politics — is like arguing about religious beliefs. Given the abject failure of government I see political opinions as equally rooted in faith as religious beliefs.  And partially because I’ve seen how a lot of it doesn’t matter. I don’t say that to be overly cynical. For most of the population, no matter what the government does, their day to day life will not be changed in a radical manner. (Yes, there are caveats to this – I think they are obvious enough that I don’t have to go into them, and you can assume I’m taking them into account.) And that’s how it should be. What the government does should have very little affect on your day to day life. The government certainly shouldn’t make your life worse.

But it shouldn’t be in the business of making your life better either.

“A government that is big enough to give you anything is big enough to take it all away” -Thomas Jefferson

I haven’t talked much about the Obama presidency, because I’m really not sure what to think of it. My opinion on healthcare is so far off from most people’s that I just keep my mouth shut. (According to my parents, I think that only rich people should get to see doctors). The CliffNotes version of my opinion is that I find the whole notion of “Health Insurance” preposterous in the first place and that it should be completely eliminated. The creation of the health insurance industry and subsequently, the malpractice insurance industry is what has driven up the cost of medical care so that a 10 minute visit to conclude you have strep throat is some $110.

Given that my preference will never happen in a million years, I’m not sure which is a better outcome to hope for. I don’t want Obama-care to fail, because if nothing else, he needs a victory of sorts to solidify his presidency. But I’m not sure which version would be the least…disturbing to my Libertarian sensibilities. Ironically (?) I think that the administration is making a huge mistake by backing down on the Public Option aspect of the plan, due to charges of socialism, etc. The Dems have the majority in the House and Senate. This is no time to be pussyfooting around. If GOPs had the majority, you better believe they’d be pushing through their agenda. (I am also leaving aside for now the fallacies in many of the arguments against the public option. At this point, I don’t believe that the public option will limit “competition” and “choice” in healthcare — at least not anymore than it already is restricted).

I fear that if something doesn’t get passed, if Something (emphasis added) doesn’t happen than the Obama Presidency will forever be marred by the fact that he failed to pass a healthcare plan.

Much as I favor complete inaction by the federal government (the better to leave me alone) on my less cynical days I’d really like to be able to buy into the idea of the potential for hope and change. 

I liked him immediately, not in the like-like sense, but just in the ‘he’s good people’ kind of sense. And actually, I have a hard time grasping that his name is Scott. He looks like someone else I know, and I keep thinking of him by that name instead.  Anyway, from dinner out that first night, it was very clear he has a girlfriend. 

But anyway, Scott is nice, and I ran into him on Saturday night, and we have mutual acquintences. So we were all standing around, doing the typical suburban stand around outside and  attempt to make plans, and he’s like “You don’t want to go out do you? You want to go home? ”

And he is right that normally this is my MO, to slink away home, and to get fed up as the girls stand around endlessly debating the next set of plans. 

(and he didn’t say it in a judge-y way; there was one other night when both of us were cranky that no one could seem to make plans and just gave up and went home)

But tonight, the girls weren’t around, it was just Scott and a few other guys, No ulterior motive, just wanted to go out for the sake of going out, because I am anti social as hell. 

Dinner was uneventful, good food at Blue Moon, listening to some other guy preach, and having Scott apologize to me for having to listen to it. On the ride to my house we were just talking about work and I said something about wanting to go to law school, and how it will be a lot of debt, and he said “You never know, with Obama we might all wind up being able to go to school for free.” 

And I said “That’d be nice, but I don’t go for universal education. I’m a Libertarian.” 

And

(Wait for it) 

He said “You are? So am I!” 

Head, meet desk.

(i wish i could take credit for this, but it is one of the brilliant guys from grylliade)

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/01/26/government.garage.sale/