Moving on.

I’ve been thinking of submitting something to Drop of Ink, but of course I’m letting myself get overwhelmed by the subject matter. No matter what I write or submit on love or loss, it’s certainly not the first or final word on the subject. Yet when I’m writing something, or editing something that’s going to be read by others, I feel the need to make myself seem more profound then I really am. Or at least, write something epic.

The boys and I went to Trivia Night again on Thursday, and pulled off another win. There’s another team there that goes every single week, that told us they always win…except when we’re there.

Little Things From Trivia Night That Make Me Happy

1) The category was movies, and Brent says dismissively “Well, if it’s something from 1994-1997, then Rachel will know it.” (I protested that I also know a lot of movies from 2002-2004) And then when the question came up it was “In Speed, what speed can the bus not drop below.” (I have seen Speed approximately 19,000 times, AND it’s been on TV frequently lately, and Brent and I quote it constantly)

2) Arguing with the boys about what we’re Neil Armstrong’s first words when landing on the moon. (They went with “One” from the famous “One small step for man,” while I argued for “Houston” based on my many viewings of Apollo 13 where they view the moon landing in the opening scene, and you know LOGIC. I was right, they were wrong, but we only missed out on a point.

3) Girly questions on Tom Hanks movies and Dove

4) The final question being an obscure geography question (although with Sporcle games, I don’t think it was THAT hard). What US state capital has the smallest population?

We got it right, other team got it wrong, we won 2 Yankee tickets, which I let the boys have, and now they have to buy me something pretty.

I do not want to think about work this weekend, as I have still not sorted files, submitted expense reports, or a number of sundry tasks I should have done yesterday. The work will still be there on Tuesday, and I will, as usual get it done before noon. Knowing this, I should not let myself have an anxiety attack on Monday night.

The brownies are almost done. And then I have to go see if I can find a white polo shirt.

But it was a good few days; I practically got a weekend of mini-celebration. Thursday was trivia night, which we won. The final question was in regards to the Wizard of Oz, so I maintain that it is still following me. Somewhere, pictures exist of me in a  pink tutu and frilly pink leotard from when I part of the “Lullabye League.” I am sure they will surface should I decide to run for public office.

On Sunday, I met up with Ben, another Libertarian-Internet-Stranger-Friend in Philly, where I had never been. We wandered around and I babbled a lot and it was good conversation. It’s weird; I’d never met Ben, just talked on Message Board of Note and gchat, and on Sunday I felt completely comfortable around him. We talked politics, libertarian job applications, history, and I filled him in on the details of my libertarian boy drama. Or rather, the libertarian boy drama that I used to have.

Message Board of Note has been less and less a part of my daily routine, but days like Sunday remind me that once upon a time MBON saved my life. Indirectly speaking, of course.

I was definitely in need of the warm fuzzy feeling I had driving home on Sunday, especially since my crankiness ran so deep that even the trivia night victory barely shook me out of it. I’m not so much cranky now as I am dulled.  I have to get up ridiculously early to bring my car in for repairs. I hate Wednesday nights.  It seems like an awful long time between paychecks lately.

Time drags, but its the end of May, I’m officially in my late 20s, and no better off than the 22 year old on her first job and apartment hunt.

The fact that I am writing about West Wing fan fiction depressing me should theoretically depress me (in terms of That Is Pathetic) but I am so past the point of caring by now. Does that count as self acceptance? I’m going to go with yes. I read West Wing fan fiction people. I also still read Law & Order SVU fan fiction, although I am not as obsessed as I once was. And when I was 15-16 I was ADDICTED to Dawson’s Creek fan fiction.

This weekend was a total wash. Friday night I was tired to the point of not being able to sleep. Then on Saturday libertarian-esque meeting for Saturday was cancelled. And then Saturday night was just dull.

I did get laundry done and I did, finally-finally, make it to the gym.

But my mom is annoyed with me for the dumbest reason ever (involving me not getting a text message because I didn’t have my phone with me at that exact second and therefore not replying to her text message), I have to be at work early tomorrow and I feel like I STILL didn’t get enough sleep this weekend, and I didn’t get anything done on the job application front this past week. So I’m wound up and frustrated and I really don’t want to go to work tomorrow.

]]> http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2010/03/07/how-can-i-be-cranky-when-the-week-hasnt-started-yet/feed/ 0 http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2010/03/05/coffee-is-not-working/ http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2010/03/05/coffee-is-not-working/#comments Fri, 05 Mar 2010 17:42:28 +0000 Rachel Not Rebecca http://rachelnotrebecca.com/?p=6619 I am stupid tired. I haven’t been sleeping well this week. Even last night, when I was quite tired, I just could not get comfortable and was awake until 2-something.  I have been a bit moody this week. And yesterday, I resorted to theatrics in order to get my way with a Customer Support Person (tactic: wait until you get a male on the phone. Pretend to cry and talk about how this is for your boss, and you screwed it up and he’s going to be MAD and please, isn’t there a way we could…?).

It worked and I was pleased with myself and that was probably the only fun thing I did all day.

This weekend, there is the county meeting of the liberty-oriented political group. I have been looking forward to this, but right now I am so tired that I can’t even think about it.  I will definitely go and it will definitely good to get out and also be around smart, motivated people who are interested in working towards similiar ends. Oh, the meeting will be 95% male. I’ve joked before that one of the reasons I’m a libertarian is for the guys. I’m only half kidding. Maybe only even a quarter kidding. I mean, I was a libertarian first, and then I found out that almost the entire movement is male.

Evidence of my sleepiness: I opened a new browser window to do…something. In the seconds it took to open I forgot what I’d opened it for.  Oh yeah; bank balance! My bonus for the 2 half of 2009 was deposited. It’s a teeny-tiny bonus (and no raise, even though I am now doing the job of 3 people) but I suppose I should insert the requisite line about being grateful that there’s any bonus in this economy. Etc.

Now I’m trying to decide if I should make an extra car payment or funnel it towards the just opened “Moving Fund.” Emergency Fund is doing quite well and will be completely funded when I get my tax refund. But I am indecisive as to what to do next. I need a solid fund for moving (apartment deposit, first month/last month rent, sundry expenses) and a car fund (insurance hike, repairs) but I’m also wondering about opening a Roth IRA. I already have a 401(k) through work, that I contribute to and my employer matches.

This is really too much thought to give to such a small amount of money, but it is unexpected money (I didn’t think the company was giving bonuses this year) and so I am pondering. Six months ago this probably wouldn’t have struck me, but I’ve gotten really into reading Personal Finance blogs.

I can go home in about 4.5 hours. It took me way longer than it should have to calculate that I can go home in 4.5 hours. I need a nap.

So I’ve been on a big Bon Jovi kick lately. Not classic Bon Jovi. Post-”Crush” Bon Jovi, which is cheesy in a completely different way than his more famous ballads. I was driving around aimlessly on Sunday, and I discovered the song “One Step Closer,” which, when I’m in a good mood (as I was on Sunday) I think is apt for the way I have handled the past year. It’s a pretty little song.

I thought maybe I should apologize for over identification with the lyrics of a Bon Jovi song, but then I decided that I’m not sorry. In fact, I went through a period where I could not even listen to happy/positive music because I was so depressed that it would depress me further, simply because I couldn’t identify with the words and knew it.

Now, most people would link you to a YouTube video instead of just the lyrics. But I hate YouTube. I have no patience for it. If you send me a link to a video 99.9% of the time, I won’t click. Don’t take it personally; I also hate it when top stories on CNN et al. are VIDEOS.  I do not want to hear someone talk about the news item in question; I want to READ about it. 

I realize this is a pretty old-fashioned attitude, akin to complaining about those kids and their text messaging. Yes, I know that beyond the stupid content at YouTube, there’s probably a lot of good stuff too. I just don’t have the patience to wade ande I dont have the patience to wait for your link to load. Sorry.

In other news; I lost the “receipt” from the car I bought last year. You know, the thing you get at the dealership that breaks down the cost and the exact amount of tax. Which is a number I need for my taxes. I called the dealership already, who told me to go the bank that financed my loan. Now, I HAVE that information, but even with the breakdown of registration fee, etc, my calculations still come out wrong. Realistically, the most I’ll be off on an estimate of the tax I paid on the car is like $20, but the IRS makes me paranoid.

This is completely typical of me. I lose important pieces of paper because I have almost everything online and therefore to not save phyiscal copies of credit card/bank statements, etc. But the piece of paper, that this boy wrote me a note on in college? That I have.

I’m busy playing “hurry up and wait” with some things at work that are making me feel as if I don’t have it together and I’m not on top of things. I hate that. It is also causing me to be weirdly procrastinate-y with both stuff here and job applications stuff. Did I mention I’m tired and had nightmares about Jason Voorhees (of Friday the 13th fame) last night?

At least it’s Friday. I will try to restrain from whining/fretting about the laundry I have to do and the errands I must run and the gym I AM GOING TO GO TO DAMNIT (I have Milly now, as reinforcement). Of course, by informing you of that (alleged) restrain, I have in fact whined/fretted.

I want to see the movie Valentine’s Day, because it is supposed to be similar to Love, Actually. No one will see it with me, and I rarely go to the movie anyway, (In fact, the last thing I saw in the theaters was the Friday the 13th remake that came out last February – perhaps that’s why I have Jason Voorhees on the brain) but maybe I’ll just go by myself this weekend. Mm, movie popcorn with delicious artificial butter.

Speaking of movies, my Younger-Wiser-Sibling (who clearly has too much time on his hands. Oh to have the musicians lifestyle) started bombarding me with text messages/emails about the movie Armaggedon. Yes, the Bruce Willis movie about the giant asteroid. (I love that movie!) I have posted it below for my own entertainment. Perhaps, you too will find it funny (unlikely). More likely, you just think it is lunacy and don’t get why I am cracking up over it. If, however, it makes sense to you AND you think it’s funny, than you, are perhaps my soulmate/new best friend.

Deep Thoughts on Armaggedon (The Movie) – by Rachel’s Younger-Wiser-Sibling

I was watching armageddon and it struck me how the president of the USA was giving a speech to the entire world, and he said “I’m not the President, or the leader of a major country, but a citizen of the world”, and it was and odd thing to say given how amero-centric the response to the catastrophe was then I started thinking about how that blithe ignorance of the unilateral v. multinational split in american politics could only happen pre-9/11.

Also, the shuttles are named the Freedom and Independence — as if the asteroid is an evil threat to america — as opposed to something that is going to blow up the entire world.

It’s sort of like when Liv Tyler starts crying when they think that both shuttles blew up and everything failed — not because that means the world (her life and everyone else’s life included) is going to end in 12 hours but because that means Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis are dead.

For instance, what would Obama think about the way we responded to the asteroid, without even consulting other countries or asking the UN if it would be okay to use a nuke? I also assume that we were the only country who knew about it (aside from Russia, of course, but only because they were helping with refueling from the space station), and that they took great care to make sure that no other countries found out about that. I cannot imagine the EU being very happy to learn that the American government is hiding apocolyptic secrets from the rest of the world on the grounds that it ‘knows better’ than everyone else and all that

Also, I forgot to mention that the whole film was probably co-funded by the NASA lobby and the nuclear research/arms lobby.

]]> http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2010/02/19/harry-the-clock-on-that-nine-foot-nuclear-weapon-is-ticking/feed/ 2 http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2010/01/29/trivial-pursuits/ http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2010/01/29/trivial-pursuits/#comments Fri, 29 Jan 2010 14:38:30 +0000 Rachel Not Rebecca http://rachelnotrebecca.com/?p=6553 Brent, Joe, and I went to Trivia Night locally last night and I had a ridiculous amount of fun. First, I laughed more in one night than I have in a month. There was competition for lamest confession and discussion of 90s music. Then Trivia began. We scored perfectly the first two rounds. And then we bombed the third round (stupid questions such as “Which slipper did Cinderella lose; her left or right?” and questions-we-should-have-gotten-right-but-second-guessed) and didn’t do much better on the fourth. We were resigned to losing, and then the final bonus round was geography (blue category!), so we bet the max, and we won.

From my description you can see that trivia is Very Important and that this victory made me (well, us) way happier than it rightly should have. In the car ride home we were still discussing it, and future team strategy, and I was like “Guys, you do realize that we’re the only ones there to tonight who are STILL DISCUSSING THIS.”

But I wouldn’t have it any other way. It feels good to be a team again (Joe and Brent were on academic decathlon with me in high school) and to make ridiculous references throughout the game that no one else would get but us.

I didn’t fall asleep until around 2am, for the second night in a row. I am definitely feeling that this morning and the coffee is doing little to dull it. I have ice cream stashed in the freezer here, and I’m tempted to break it out. Work continues to be filled with crankiness all around.

But I am in a better mood than I’ve been in all week – maybe even all month. Getting rejected from the Libertarian Fellowship certainly left me in a funk and I’ve also hit the wall in terms of available things to apply for in DC. It’s frustrating, because I know I’d be perfect for several of the think tank positions I’ve applied for – there are just other people who would be even more perfect, and they’re probably already in the DC area. I’m that at the point yet where I could realistically (or would even want to) just quit my job, move to DC, and hope for the best with the job search and the powerlessness has left me irritable.

But being around two of my favorite people on the planet, who understand me better than anyone in the world, has done wonders for my spirits. At least for today. And allegedly, that’s the only one that should matter.

And yay, Friday! I may actually be social this weekend (an acquintences birthday tomorrow evening) and then, what the hell it is already February. If I start talking about how time is flying, and how I’m going to be, omg, 27 in May, I’ll just ruin my good mood, so I’m going to stop, and go do something productive.

I am only about 10% kidding here. Maybe 15%. I don’t like the outdoors. I am not an outdoorsy person. I like concrete and steel and darting across the street against the light.

I cannot sit still and concentrate on anything. I have to be multi-tasking to get anything done. All my papers in college got done with 3 AIM windows open and probably a couple of websites for good measure.  It takes me forever to write a blog entry because I keep checking my email or going back to the drawing I was making while on hold before.  Same deal with cover letters. I find it absolutely cringeworthy to pound out paragraphs on how wonderful and uniquely qualified I am and how it applies to this particular organization, so I can only stand to write a few sentences at a time, and then I have to minimize the window because it’s just icky.

This entry has been brought to you by the newly created ‘Neurotic Jew’ tag.

Also, lately, in the moments when I’m trying to fall asleep, I find my brain running over incredibly embarassing things I’ve done over the years, including the things that I didn’t have enough sense to be embarrased about then (read: Middle School) but were horrible and I can’t believe I dressed/talked/acted like that. I have no idea why I’m thinking about these things, but they have just drifted out of my memory to torture me. Memory lane indeed.

It is already almost February and I have accomplished exactly one of my January goals. I really need to join a gym and go to the dentist. And kick my own ass.

In the past week I have started several posts bemoaning my laziness but I never finished them. A parable. Sort of. Like that episode of the West Wing, when Donna whines to Josh about the budget surplus not meaning a tax refund, because Democrats know how to spend your money better than you do, and then she refuses to give him change from buying lunch, because she knows how to spend the change better than he does. Or something. Clearly my West Wing obsession is out of control. But I have nothing better to do in suburbia. I could temper the obsession by starting to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which I’ve seen bits and pieces of over the years, but never chronologically.

Or I could, you know, read a book. I recently read “Reproduction is the Flaw of Love” (or something like that. And I don’t remember the author, but I’m not going to google that at work.) The book itself was ok, but the premise made me so antsy that I had to skip to the end before I could concentrate on the middle. I do this sometimes.

A bunch of new, interesting positions (for which I am highly qualified) came up on today’s job search.  One is at Much-Coveted-Organization. They no doubt recieve thousands of resumes for every job posting. On some level, I feel that if I don’t get my application in seconds after the posting goes live, I’m screwed. But then maybe waiting a few days, until the announcement “cools down” so to speak is a viable strategy, given that it’s going to take me at least until tomorrow afternoon to put together an application, properly. And no one reads mail on Friday. So maybe it should wait until Monday. These are the things I’ve been thinking about lately. You’ll forgive me for not posting, right?  You should thank me for not posting them, actually. 

Oh and my resume has an NJ address and I’m applying for jobs in DC, and it has occured to me that maybe I should use a local address (of one of my friends) but won’t that just make things more complicated? I’m still at my current job, in NJ. And I’d need a little notice for an interview. Sigh. I fear that I may end of staying here until I go more insane than I am already going, and then quitting my job (which will no doubt be a bad move. I have never quit a job before. Well that’s not true. I worked for a headhunter for 2.5 weeks.) and moving to DC and sleeping on Keith’s couch forever, and I won’t find a job and I’ll run through all my savings and it will be another failed experiment and I will have to go back to answering phones, and I will do that for the rest of my life.

I enjoy writing long, run-on sentences with fatalistic predictions.

Oh, and I just got an email informing me that my car is being recalled. Awesome!

-Doing all this political minded readnig lately makes me want to re-read Allan Blooms The Closing of the American Mind. If you are in academia, or even just thinking of going into it, I cannot recommend it enough. A professor gave it to me right after I transferred to Skidmore, after hearing about my experience at Hampshire College.  It is definitely one of those books that made me question a lot of what I thought I believed or helped me clarify a lot of things for myself. The problem with re-reading anything is that I have about 1,001 books that I haven’t read, and should read.

This is why I haven’t had a date in about a year. And the “dates” I had were not really dates, properly speaking. On one hand, this means the disaster with O-L-B last Thanksgiving was almost a year ago, as was the mini-debacle with Peace. Apparently the mini-debacle with Peace was so cringeworthy I never wrote about it, but the CliffNotes is, I got drunk and made out with a (Libertarian) Muslim who had never kissed a girl before, because anything other than holding hands before marriage is against his religion. The fact that I’m Jewish probably made it even more of a sin against God.

It’s too bad you can spell “Disaster” without “B-O-Y-S.” Anyway, the point is, except for the one time I went out with The Writer in February, the last time I had anything resembling a date was…way too long ago.

If you were taking notes on the four main approaches to U.S. Foreign Policy (neo-isolationism, selective engagement, cooperative security, & primacy) wouldn’t you use four different colored pens too? For example, I used purple for primacy, because purple = royalty, and primacy is basically a desire to be king of the world.

It annoys me that the phrase “king of the world” still reminds me of that cringeworthy scene in Titanic where Leonardo DiCaprio shouts the phrase from the bow (stern?) of the ship. Yes, that movie made me cry (I was 14, but it had nothing to do with Leonardo DiCaprio, who I never found hot) but I always thought that scene was embarrassingly awful.

I’m sure I should do something like laundry today, or figure out how to prepare for my second phone interview, but the former probably won’t happen, and the latter, I really don’t know what I can do.

]]> http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2009/11/15/im-a-total-catch/feed/ 3 http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2009/11/07/jbj-is-like-deep-man/ http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2009/11/07/jbj-is-like-deep-man/#comments Sat, 07 Nov 2009 16:15:30 +0000 Rachel Not Rebecca http://rachelnotrebecca.com/?p=6355 Bon Jovi has been the talk of morning show of 95.5, because he’s just come out with a new CD and when Giant Stadium re-opens, he will play the first show. I’ve had his song “The Distance” in my head on and off. I have no idea why – it’s not one of his well known song, it’s off of “Bounce” which is neither critically or fan acclaimed. That CD came out October of my Sophomore year of college. I was in Saratoga, having transferred to Skidmore. That song puts me in the car on Route 50 in Wilton on the way back to campus.

Basically the only time I listen to music is when I’m driving, or if I’m in the city, on the subway. I haven’t driven since March and so I’ve listened to even less music then usual this year. I don’t have a “Soundtrack” to remind me of these long, long months but I also don’t have any events that needed music as a background. I used to write Soundtracks at the end of the year. I don’t think I’ve written one since 2006.

It’s a Saturday morning and I’m sitting half in my pajamas, listening to music that reminds me of a period in my life that I thought was unhappy at the time, but would go back to, given the chance. And ironically (and I know this a misuse of ironic, but I can’t think of any other way to put it) during the period of my life, when Bounce came out, I was fervently wishing to be back in a time two years before that.

And. (And) The title of the new Bon Jovi CD is “The Circle.” As in, this entry, (and my life) have come full circle. I am being faceticious and it somewhat amuses me that I can even manage to think like such a teenager, but, at the end of the entry, I AM thinking like at teenager.

But I just wrote a thematic Bon Jovi entry. How Jersey is that?

So I feel obligated to tell you that you should donate, because if I don’t tell you, and it goes unfunded, I’ll feel guilty because I should have done more. It’s like that scene at the end of Schindler’s List, where he’s looking around at all the other stuff that he could have sold, so he would have more money to use as bribes and he could have saved more Jews.

Yes, exactly like that.

This tasteless comment was brought to you my The People That I’ve Known Forever post. Those three boys, Brent especially, have played a huge role in the development of my utterly tasteless sense of humor. I have very little shame, and often very little tact.

 Secondly, I had a moment this morning of “I am so grateful for my job and that I am not at The-Job-That-Wasn’t.” Due to degrees of crankiness, boredom, etc, there have been much fewer of these moments as there were at-this-time-last-year (and ATTLY, I wasn’t even officially hired yet). So it is good (for both my mood and for my ego) to stop and remind myself of how much good this job has contributed to my life.  This is the attitude I need to keep, should the Libertarian-esque fellowship not come through.

And lastly, for all my bitching about deadlines yesterday, I got an unsolicited email today from someone at Libertarian-Fellowship office to hold off submitting until Monday. I’m not sure why, but perhaps there are still technical glitches with the online application.

So now I have no choice but to indulge in another few rounds of overthinking. I believe the research I want to do is relevant and unique, and it builds on the research I did for my MA thesis. (Carl Schmitt has become popular in the past few years; with my MA thesis I was trendy for perhaps the first time in my life) But I’m still afraid that my application is one giant “So what?”

Now, I grew up in suburban New Jersey and I HATE Boston and the Boston Red Sox, but I have never been a Yankee fan (indifferences wins, usually) and  I have always hated Derek Jeter. The reason I hate Derek Jeter is purely contrarian.

I was in middle school when Jeter was a rookie, and he was the new guy in town, and all you heard about was how he was So Hot.

There was this girl in my grade, I’ll call her Kasey. I did not like her. I don’t really remember why other than the boy I had a crush on seemed to pay her a lot of attention. I’m sure there were other reasons. I got picked on a lot in middle school and disliking people was a defense mechanism, of sorts.

Anyway, Kasey was known throughout the grade for her huge crush on Derek Jeter. I was quite the self-righteous little 8th grader (I probably deserved to be punched in the face) and already thought that crushing on Derek Jeter was stupid, but because Casey had a crush on Derek Jeter, is moved from stupid to despicable. Not that I ever said anything beyond the lunch table that I shared with my loyal band of nerdy boys and not like I was doing anything more valuable with my time, but it was the principle of the matter.

So, nearly 15 years later, I don’t like Derek Jeter, because some girl I didn’t like was very vocal about her crush on Derek Jeter.

Clearly, I am the principled one in this situation. I stick to my ideals, damnit!

Then he posed a grammar question to me, and we debated it for a minute, and he said “Well, we’ll keep this for now, but think about it.”

So I did. I also posed the question to the Libertarians, because the people there are equally dorky and it of course sparked a conversation about grammar-things. Which led to a conversation about how good grammar is an attractive quality and bad grammar is a Deal Breaker.

As for the grammar question itself, I came up with the right answer, and the evidence to back it up and I think my changes are being accepted.

Of course, in posting the question online, I managed to make a grammatical error because that’s how these things go.

And of course, grammar was a favorite topic between O-L-B and I. Of course.

]]> http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2009/03/11/grammar-is-hot/feed/ 0