Things I Don’t Want to Do

-Go to my Tuesday/Thursday classes (4 more)

-Write my Tocqueville paper (I’m like, not sure, if like, I GRASP what like, Tocqueville’s argument about equality is, like, do you know what I mean, like?/ NO. I DON’T LIKE, KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, LIKE!)

-Study for my Middle Eastern Politics final. Because I haven’t done any of the reading. All semester. Oh, it’s just like Comp Pol…

-Drink anymore “Silver Tequilla.” It gives me a headache

The Plan for Next “Semester”

-German classes, yay!

-TESOL certification

-40 hours @ cafe.

-Going stir crazy in Jersey, finding teaching job in Austria, Italy, or Germany.

So, at this time next year I’ll be in Europe.

Tis hard to be back in the frozen North Country (as 100.3, THE POINT calls it) after a long, enjoyable weekend in Jersey. The air pollution keeps in the warm air.

This weekend:

-Wrote an insane amount for NaNo, taking my book in a new direction. And now it has a title!
-Climbed into my freezing cold attic wearing high heeled boots while tipsy to retrieve my high school yearbook to look something up and win a bet
-my high school picture reminds me I used to be a blonde. Ug
-Watched “Love, Actually”
-cried at the “To Me, You Are Perfect” part
-and the part where Emma Thompson confronts her husband about cheating
-Was accused of being a sap for aforementioned crying
-Duh
-This is why I prefer to watch my girly movies (I Capture the Castle, Eternal Sunshine, assorted Mandy Moore movies, among others) alone. Because I like to maintain my image as tough as nails

-Recieved Newsweek with Bush’s face on it. My parent’s arrived home:
Me: Oh yeah, and we got Newsweek. It has Bush’s smug face on the cover
Dad: Put it in the recycling
Me: I already did.
-Advised Jon that he should totally give up computer engineering and become a male Asian model
-Was hit by Jon for suggestion
-Got amazing, high class brunch food
-Made appeals to the Divine
-Cooked an insane amount
-Chilled with the cats, with a drink and some Dostoyevsky.
-Read bunches of essays, found authors I want to emulate
-Researched grad school programs, envisaged myself 35 and already a completely insane history professor
-Drove through deserted suburban streets
-Diner dwelled
-Fought with pillows. And my fists!
-Slept with all the lights on
-Kicked
-Insulted people
-Was read to

I love my Jersey weekends.

I am left with extra time getting ready for work this afternoon, so I feel obligated to tell everyone that, looking at the books I have been reading lately, I have realized that my destiny is not, unfortunately, to become an insane empress who can peer owlishly at the Diet through a speech rolled up like a telescope.

I am going to be one of those insane old guys on the history channel, doing commentary on one of those documentaries. Except, you know, I’ll be a chick. I’ll be like the old women who are always on the Holocaust documentaries telling about their time in the concentration camp, except I’ll be slightly younger, hipper, and tattoo-less.

Yeah, that was tasteless.

First I need to get qualified for this job, because you can’t become an insane commentator on the history channel over night. I’ll probably have to go to grad school eventually and get my degree in some obscure historical specification. And then I will become a professor. But I’d be a cool professor, well, cool by my standards at least. I would find the one girl in every class who was just as loserly as I was at her age and bond with her, and if she was under 21, I would buy her alcohol, because that’s what a good professor does!

I would also marry someone who was really intellectual, but disagreed with me on stuff, like for example, someone who thought “appeasement was the right policy for Britain and France in 1939″ (it wasn’t, and i actually don’t think any intelligent person would really think this, but I’m just using it as an example). Anyway, that way we could get into petty fights about our disagreements, and if we had kids, we could put them in the middle of it. Like, my husband would take the kid out for ice cream and tell them all about how appeasement was the right policy, and then I’d get really mad and make him sleep on the couch and somehow make it to seem like that is what he wanted because it’s a form of appeasement.

I’m still working on the details.

Yeah, I’m Working On That

Long December
And there’s reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better
Than the last
-Counting Crows
(although I’m not sure if there is reason to believe, etc)

Normally, at the end of the year, I would write a long, reflective cliched entry in one of my Volumes. The Volumes seemed to have died though and I try to keep personal, journal-y stuff out of here as much as possible (although I often fail) Besides, its hard to say much, because the year has been so varied, and I don’t know how to even begin right now. I will simply revert to cliched language and quote Edith Wharton, that there are the years that ask questions, and years that answer them. This year has certainly been the former.

Top 3 Wishes for 2004
1) That by some miracle Bush will lose to ANY of the Democrats
2) That I will get the IHS fellowship I want
3) To find what I’m looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I’m still running
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

Should I…?

a) go to Washington this summer, take a class, have an internship, pay a lot for housing and then graduate skidmore a semester early
OR
b) go to Washington fall semester, graduate skidmore spring 05

I leave in less than 48 hours and I’m not even packed yet. Going back to school snuck up on me this year, I guess because I’m used to being stuck at home for a week with no one around, since everyone’s school seems to start earlier than mine. Yay for running transfer orientation or something.

I am milling around my room putting stuff in boxes, changing my mind about what box it goes in, and working on my Atlas Shrugged essay that should be done already.
When I get to Skidmore I have a million bureaucratic things to take care of — final plans for transfer orientation, filling out forms for my self-determined major, and finding out more about Washington Semester.
Washington Semester looks like it would be a great opportunity — classes in foreign policy that I can’t get at Skidmore, and have a good internship. Yet I’m still all unsure about going, because in some ways I feel like I just got to Skidmore, and just settled in. Educationally, and even career wise, going to Washington would be the best move. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to get the Self-Determined Major committee to approve it. Blah. I have gotten bad with decisions ever since my super bad decision to go the Hampshire

Oh well. I will figure it out, etc, etc, etc, etc. Right now I’m excited to get back to school see everyone, and feel as if I’m accomplishing something.