Good Things

(1) I worked from home on Thursday, because it was set to snow all day, and both my bosses have the attitude “It’s way more important for you to be safe than anything that’s going on in the office.” Sadly, many bosses do not have this attitude, so I appreciate it.

(2) The power went out on Thursday night and Friday, it was still snowing and I couldn’t get to work. And I obviously couldn’t work from home, because the power was out. My boss was totally understanding.

(3) I went to family friend’s house on Friday night, for dinner. They are my parent’s best friends and I grew up with their kids, and they are basically some of the best people in the world.

(4) I flirted with a Libertarian from Canada who I have never met IRL, and probably never will, on Facebook chat last night, for the second Saturday in a row. No, I have no shame. Why do you ask?

(5) I talked to Lisa last night about anniversaries, pathetic Saturday nights, and comparing yourself to people you graduated with. There is something truly comforting about the people who know all your flaws and still love you.

Not-So-Good-Things

(1) No power.

(2) A Research Associate application I put together could have been better. Why did I not do more quantitative research in grad school?

(3) General laziness.

More details to follow. Monday I’ll likely be very busy at work, due to not being in the office on Thursday/Friday, but after that I have to write about these things, and also how Jon Bon Jovi is one of the wisest men in the world.

Brent, Joe, and I went to Trivia Night locally last night and I had a ridiculous amount of fun. First, I laughed more in one night than I have in a month. There was competition for lamest confession and discussion of 90s music. Then Trivia began. We scored perfectly the first two rounds. And then we bombed the third round (stupid questions such as “Which slipper did Cinderella lose; her left or right?” and questions-we-should-have-gotten-right-but-second-guessed) and didn’t do much better on the fourth. We were resigned to losing, and then the final bonus round was geography (blue category!), so we bet the max, and we won.

From my description you can see that trivia is Very Important and that this victory made me (well, us) way happier than it rightly should have. In the car ride home we were still discussing it, and future team strategy, and I was like “Guys, you do realize that we’re the only ones there to tonight who are STILL DISCUSSING THIS.”

But I wouldn’t have it any other way. It feels good to be a team again (Joe and Brent were on academic decathlon with me in high school) and to make ridiculous references throughout the game that no one else would get but us.

I didn’t fall asleep until around 2am, for the second night in a row. I am definitely feeling that this morning and the coffee is doing little to dull it. I have ice cream stashed in the freezer here, and I’m tempted to break it out. Work continues to be filled with crankiness all around.

But I am in a better mood than I’ve been in all week – maybe even all month. Getting rejected from the Libertarian Fellowship certainly left me in a funk and I’ve also hit the wall in terms of available things to apply for in DC. It’s frustrating, because I know I’d be perfect for several of the think tank positions I’ve applied for – there are just other people who would be even more perfect, and they’re probably already in the DC area. I’m that at the point yet where I could realistically (or would even want to) just quit my job, move to DC, and hope for the best with the job search and the powerlessness has left me irritable.

But being around two of my favorite people on the planet, who understand me better than anyone in the world, has done wonders for my spirits. At least for today. And allegedly, that’s the only one that should matter.

And yay, Friday! I may actually be social this weekend (an acquintences birthday tomorrow evening) and then, what the hell it is already February. If I start talking about how time is flying, and how I’m going to be, omg, 27 in May, I’ll just ruin my good mood, so I’m going to stop, and go do something productive.

I went to the diner with Joe this afternoon to help him with Grad School admissions essays – physics majors don’t do a lot of writing.

After we went over his essays, we slipped into our usual conversation of what we’re trying to do, the escape we trying to make, and what our two mutual friends are doing along those lines. For all the differences we have on paper, we’re in a remarkably similar place. (Still stuck, for those playing at home)

As we were leaving, and I was talking about my weekend in DC, I admitted that a tiny part of me was fearful of running into The Ex in Georgetown. And I was being SUCH a girl, running over in my head whether I look better or worse than the last time I saw him – which was over five years ago now. In the “worse” column was the weight gain. In the “better” column was more put together.

“And,” Joe added. “You’re just hitting your stride. There’s always something attractive about that.”

I know what he means. I’ve said it myself before – that confidence is hot, and the first rule of confidence is faking it. But hitting my stride? I wouldn’t go that for. The Libertarian Fellowship is an attempt to get back into my stride, and my success thus far in the interview process has helped push that along, but there are still 3-5 rounds to go, and if I fail, I’m back to where I started.

It’s out of my hands now. All I can do is wait until mid-January, make another trip to DC, and impress 3-5 more rounds of people. Simple, right?

My feet are killing me from walking around the city in high heeled, pointy-toed boots. Michael was late meeting me, so I killed time by wandering around Union Square. I’d forgotten about the Union Square market, that makes the area even more of a people-traffic nightmare.

But anyway, Michael finally arrived, we got delicious Indian food, walked down by the Brooklyn Bridge (at his request. It was ridiculously windy and also boots not meant for walking) and got coffee. We were already in Tribeca, so I decided to just find the WTC PATH station. It seems to have lost the spell of HWSNBN. However, I had also forgotten that the PATH weekend service has been cut even MORE if that were possibly. It’s incredibly inconvenient to get to Hoboken Train Station from WTC on a weekend. I hate the PATH.

Also, taking the train in/out of the city is the only time I buy semi-trashy magazines anymore because even though they are the exact same thing as when I was 16,  they keep me from throwing murderous gazes at parents who let their little children SHRIEK the entire train ride.

Yes, I just quoted an N’SYNC song. I have always used to song in reference to Jon, Joe, and Brent, the guys I was ridiculously close to in high school. Since high school, we’ve all maintained (or sometimes failed to maintain) varying degrees of closeness with each other. There’s plenty of tales I can tell about my relationship with each one of them and they could all do the same.

Until yesterday though, we had not all been in the same room together for over 7 years. Without planning it, we’d all wound up in our hometown at the same time. We met up at The Diner. It doesn’t have the same name, or the same decor, or the same owner as when we were in high school. It’s also the last place the four of us were together.

It is crazy to me that seven years passed. And in so many ways, nothing has changed. Yes, Jon had to ask “Are you dating anyone?” because he doesn’t know – why would he? We had to catch each other up on job situations and grad school plans and living arrangements. But Jon still slid into his seat and pushed a small ceramic plate in front of me – because smoking is now banned, and so there’s no glass ashtray. Because they all still remember the time that I threw an ashtray at Jon after enduring a little too much teasing.

(I didn’t actually throw an ashtray. I was going to, realized how heavy it was and tossed my keys at him instead. They will hear nothing of that, and still tell the story of the time I hurled a glass ashtray at Jon’s head.)

These guys still make me laugh harder than anyone else on the planet. Around them, I laugh in public, loudly, so that I wind up covering my mouth to suppress the giggles and hiding my face in embarassment that I’m being so loud. They’re missing the fact and figures about my every day life, but they still know me.

There was a time in my life, when I could sit with the three of them, and it didn’t matter what else was going on, because I had this. These are three people who have hurt me, and who I have hurt – one far more than the other two.  Three people who have witnessed the last seven years of my life from varying degrees of closeness, or sometimes now at all, and yet when I called one of them this past April, to finally catch him up on what a mess I was making he said “Why didn’t you tell us? We would have been there for you!” It didn’t matter that he too had grown apart from the others. They would have been there, if I had asked.

It shouldn’t surprise me, really, because if any one of them asked, I’d be there, without even thinking about it. It wouldn’t even occur to me to wonder why they were asking.  Because so many years later, I can still sit with the three of them, and know that whatever “this” was, still exists.

There are so many different ways to be connected to people. There are the people you feel this unspoken connection to, even though there’s not even a word for it. There’s the people who you’ve known forever who know you in this way that other people can’t because they’ve seen you change. They’ve let you change

This evening we’ve just been hanging out watching TV, talking about Obama insanity. I have a kitty next to me. The plan for the rest of the day is to do little to nothing because Monday/Tuesday are going to be INSANITY. I’m going to bawl like a baby on Tuesday. My dad did wind up at the concert at the Lincoln Memorial, but was so far away that it was on major delay. 

I am so psyched about playing the crowds tomorrow. LIBERTARIANS FOR OBAMA!

I’m sitting in the Nashville airport, where my flight is delayed (as expected)

I had the absolute best time in Knoxville, and not because of anything we did, neccessarily, just because I had so much fun just hanging out with Ellie and David, watching House, talking about dorky things, and laughing over said dorky things. It’s so weird – logically, I never should have wound up on Grylliade, given that I was a sporadic, at best H&R poster. But I have made some of the best friends I could imagine making through Grylliade.

And her fluffy cat Maggie is sitting next to me on the couch, where she had planted herself since I sat down here with my laptop. And she is VERY offended every time I get up or move. And I am a fidgety person, so I am offending her a lot.

So I got to Nashville, where people are very friendly. On my walk from the gate to baggage claim people kept making eye contact. Met up with Ellie, drove to Knoxville, and watched lots of House/cat napped. David got home, dinner was gotten, and much, much amusement was had by me (and I hope all). Gossiping about Grylliade was included of course. I am very happy to be here. Jersey admittedly gets pretty lonely, and it is just good to be around people like this sometimes.

In other news, i got a bunch of concerned texts over the course of the day. Apparently, OLB is back to posting on  about this girl he’s having drama with and blah blah blah, and he’s meeting up with her to figure things out. And except for David, other David & Ellie, the details aren’t well enough known, so many of the guys could have easily thought he was talking about me, wanted to say it was a dick move, and wanted to make sure I was okay/not meeting up with him, etc.

This was a little paranoid inducing, since I was not at the computer to check this out for myself. But it was all fine, I knew he wasn’t talking about me. And it’s really nice to know that the guys care, and that they have my back on this one.

I have all these things that I want to write about (moreover, that I NEED to write about, just for the record, and for my own mental health) but I have no attention span/concentration lately.

The past 10 days went something like this:

Friday: Somewhat stupid decision to see HWSNBN when he texted me. Oops
Saturday: Sick. Psycho-somatic? Ha!
Sunday: Sleeping, late lunch with the Astoria girls
Monday: I forget what I did Monday.
Tuesday: Wrote out the full week’s calendar, woo-hoo. Watched the election stuff
Wednesday: Bob Barr!
Thursday: Finished important writing project. Bought a dress.
Friday: Presented important project. Received lots of praise. Walked on a cloud for the afternoon. Texted extensively with Ohio. Also interesting email from OLB. (When it rains it pours, and I will still never understand boys.) Then proceeded to do something stupid.
Saturday: Talked to Jill-IAN. Caught up. Assessed. Analyzed.
Saturday night/Sunday: Tried not to pass out from the heat in my apartment, drank lots of Gatorade, sweat
Monday: Supremely icky news from insurance company. Spent most of the day on the phone with them
Tuesday: More insurance drama. Mostly solved now, but will not have final answers until the end of the week and will be a ball of anxiety until then. Also, residual angst from Friday.

Some things coming up in the next 10 days, and lots of random plans/ideas and things on my mind.

I should probably make up a glossary for all the monikers. Ha.

It was not until I saw him standing on Second Avenue, smoking a cigarette Sunday morning, that I was reminded how much I miss him as a daily presence in my life. For over a year, I saw him every single weekday, and most of them he made me laugh, and he is also the first friend I made when I moved to the city the first time.

I saw CK Sunday morning. I emphasize “morning” because he decided we should get to the Libertarian meet-up we were planning on attending at 10:30, instead of 1 PM. I thought this was idiotic, but went along. And you know, I now further understand why people are so turned off to Libertarian Party. I mean, people who want to be left alone are the type generally attracted to Libertarianism. But these people were definitely suffering from the geek social afflictions that Ellie posted about last week  We were swarmed. CK was freaked out, and dragged me out of there.

Because CK has always had me wrapped around his finger (not in any romantic sense) I didn’t really protest. Desperation is really ugly. Just leave us alone and let us be here.

Oh and of course the short time we were there I was the only woman in the room. Earlier, CK had teased me, when we were wondering aloud wtf we were doing out so early on a Sunday, if I was using the event to pick up Libertarian men. “I’m not going to be your Libertarian wingman Rachel. It’s too early for that. I can’t believe you got me out of bed this early.” “I didn’t hold a gun to your head,” I replied, the perfect LIbertarian response. But apparently, I’m really predictable, because I had already been accused of using the event for the same reasons. I’m glad everyone realizes what my priorities are.

And so I let him buy me brunch and then we walked around the East Village. He made me laugh a lot, as usual. We exchanged our typical cynicism and pragmatism (prag-mat-a-a-cist) and had our little silences where we both realize; “Damn. That’s accurate.”

We hugged  good-bye before getting on the subway, and we made vows to get Ukranian food & beer sooner, rather than later. I delayed going home by stopping at the Strand, and having conversations in the history section. At home, I started cooking a giant pot of stew and watched My So Called Life DVDs. I really shouldn’t be so anti-social, but the morning was social enough for me.

I am all over the map this month. Go away, October.

Anyway, my high school friend Joe, who’ve I just recently gotten back in touch with due to the fact that we work across the street from each other and saw each other on the bus all the time when I was briefly commuting from Jersey, agreed to be my date for the black tie event I had to attend for work. He agreed with no begging on my part, just a “Sure, when do I need to be there?” Because old friends are awesome.

I called Lisa up, who i haven’t spoken to in forever, just to tell her about this agreement, and she told me that “This entire ordeal with you being a grown up is too surreal and upsets my always tenuous equilibrium. In addition to Joe’s capacity for predictable decorum, he has also grown up a bit and no longer is our “little Joe.”

Which I relayed to Joe, and he was like “yeah, that’s pretty much accurate.” But for the record, the evening went very well. Joe was exactly the perfect date. He kept me talking throughout whenever it was just the two of us standing around, because anyone from staff was either a) important enough to be schmoozing with donors b) had to work the front door. (I am still not sure why my presence was required…whatever)

He kept me talking which prevented me from wringing my hands, biting my nails, or looking overly awkward. There was massive amount of delicious sushi. I drank too much wine, but that had no ill effects, because we were seated with the scientists, not staff for some reason. This was actually a pretty good situation, as Joe was a physics major in college, and chatted up the science people. I am completely floored by Joe’s ability to seamlessly socialize with various individuals at the table. He kept me from being a nervous wreck. Joe has known me for nearly a decade and thus is familiar with my particular brand of neurosis and was able to balance it well. Ladies, Joe is a total catch, my new mission is to find him a girlfriend.

So the evening went very well and thank god it is over, but also being a grown up is fucking scary. I really think I’m still pretty clueless on the ‘life plan’ level. My job is stable and I like it, and it’s a pretty cool organization (this was just confirmed to me tenfold because of the presentations on Sunday. My organization funds some really awesome work and I should be proud to be a small part of it)

I’m just…I don’t know right now. I feel okay about my job, but I’m not sure where I can go from it in the long run. I know I’ve only been there for two months, but I’m already thinking along the lines of that there is nowhere to really go from where I am and that’s…frustrating. I have my expensive education and it’s like if I ever want to do more than what I’m doing now I’m going to have to go elsewhere.

I may ultimately want something else, even though I should be perfectly grateful with what I’ve got, job and apartment wise, because for another example of how much of a jerk I am, right now I am back at Freeze Peach in the Ditmars area, and as amazingly awesome as my apartment is the location will never be Ditmars….

Most people would say I”m in a better location now, more transportation options, etc, but Ditmars is home. Ditmars feels right. I don’t think my new location ever will feel quite right, and that makes me sad because it is an AWESOME apartment, but I think I’d take back my humble abode on 21st Avenue too.

As I suspected I would, I miss my previous life as an Astorian.  I don’t know what’s next, and I ALWAYS know what’s next. So I”m trying to take a deep breath and go to bed early tonight, because god damnit, I’m a smart girl and I’ll figure this the hell out.

So today I found at that, because I’m senior staff, I’m officially invited to the NYC Gala on Sunday. I get to put on a pretty dress and schmooze. I was going to bring Drew as my date, but he can’t go, which is probably for the better due to his habit of cursing loudly at the most inopportune moments. So Joe is taking me. It didn’t even take begging, I was just like “Hey Joe, I need a date for Sunday night. Do you have a suit?” And he said “Of course.” Joe is actually a better person to go with me than Drew, because despite our lack of keeping in touch over the years his tolerance of the nerves I’m sure to have is far closer to “unconditional” than Drew.

I’m excited! It will be a good chance to get to know the other girls at work better and the presentations are actually going to be really interesting.

It’s still humid and icky. I have to go do laundry but then I’m going to get some sushi and watch House & SVU with my roommate. Tomorrow after work I’m going dress shopping. I haven’t bought a dress in this manner since prom.

I also have a writing idea for either NaNo or in general. Year Eight may get written afterall.