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I’m trying to think of something funny, or witty, or offhand to write about, because even I get sick of myself and my own angst. One of my favorite entries from a super-angsty time is “Thirteen Stories About One Thing” (title shamelessly stolen from the movie of the same name – which I’ve seen and remember nothing of). So I figured, it was time for an updated version.

ONE

Me: Maybe I’ll buy a 49ers shirt for [the Redskins/49ers game].
Brent: That’s a terrible idea
Me: It’ll be like when Elaine wore the Orioles hat to the Yankees game.
Brent: Yes, and how did it end for her?
Me: I believe there was heckling.
Brent: I believe she lost her job over that
Me: Well I don’t have a job to lose now do I?
Brent: It’s still a terrible idea.
Me: I want to move to a city that with really loyal fans and wear opposing t-shirts. And don’t say Chicago.
Brent: Well if you want to get sucker punched and have beer bottles thrown at you, you could move to Philly.
Me: Philly sounds like a possibility, yes.

TWO

“I want you to come back home. You belong here. You can do anything here, it’s freaking NYC. The advantage is that you have everyone who loves you here; your family and friends.

-Jill-IAN

THREE

Me: I think he was wearing jeans and um…jeans
Ellie: But the important question is: did he iron his jeans
-a long ago reference that I’d long forgotten. This comment made me laugh all day.

FOUR

Regardless of what you end up doing, you did an incredibly awesome thing moving down to DC and leaving the comfort of the job you had before.Hang in there.  You are still awesome and I’m always proud of what you are doing- whether it’s trying to build a life in DC or in NJ.

-Joe (who always knows the perfect thing to say)

FIVE

Brent: i had a dream that i had written a paper for school but i had forgotten to write a works cited page.  i hate everything.
Me: that’s terrible. ms roeser would have kicked your ass. i had a dream that i found a room in a new apartment, except the furniture was staying there, and it was puzzle/trick furniture, that you had to figure out how to open, and i couldn’t figure out how to open the drawers
Brent: The worst. I need to go to dream rehab. You should come with me.
Me: We would alienate everyone there.
Brent: How would this be any different from normal life?
Me: Touche

SIX

On the very first version of Message-Board-of-Note, many years ago, someone wrote: “Love doesn’t stink. It’s fleeting and imperfect and infuriating and very human. It’s an emotional investment, with all the dividends, interest, and risk the analogy implies, and it should be treated as nothing less.”

I saved it in a word file and its survived several computer crashes. The writer is a friend now, so I emailed him because like-like is just as infuriating and very human.

SEVEN

Bitch, get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.
-Keith (my ex-roommate)

EIGHT

We love you very, very, very much and we want nothing but happiness and kindness for you

-From Ellie & David

NINE

Pacey, to Joey: You fall in love and it doesn’t work out, and you think it’ll never happen again. But believe me, it does. In the strangest of places it does.

Jill-IAN, in response: Oh my god, shoot me in the head

TEN

.

I unexpectedly dissolved into tears of I-don’t-know-what while on the phone with Joe on Sunday afternoon. Michael’s attack, which I know he did not intend as cruel, upset me, because it played on my fear of being completely misunderstood, and thus thought naïve or ridiculous or whatever.

Thank God for people who understand me.

Joe reminded me that there are going to be weeks like this, where I’m going to wallow. And when I told him about all of Michael’s suggestions, he agreed that they were a little over the top. And that, regardless, I shouldn’t do anything that feels blatantly unnatural.

Essentially, Joe, who knows me better than almost anyone, believes that in order for this job hunting thing to work for me, I have to be myself. That all the rules and suggestions and nouveau ways of job hunting are not going to work if I’m being inauthentic. And while it’s true that the definition of insanity is going the same thing over and over and expecting different results it would be equally insane to try to morph into what I think someone else wants me to be.

I’ve tried it with boys. It doesn’t work with them and it’s not going to work with jobs.

And this is why Joe is the comforting, Morgan Freeman voiceover in my life.

Later, I was talking to Brent, about important subjects such New Jersey politics, bureaucracy, the last 30 minutes of the movie The Net (I love that movie. Vintage Sandra Bullock), I told him about my conversation from Saturday:

“My friend Michael has the delusional idea that I am Dagny Taggart style ambitious, where in reality, I am unconfrontational and not aggressive”

“Yes. Not enough moxie IMO”

“Yes. Actually that’s EXACTLY it.”

And besides Brent and I, I think Joe is the only other person on the planet who will get why there are points involved for the use of moxie.

Nerdy Video Games

Him: Ooh, the spelling bee in on this week. But you probably already knew that.
Me: I did not know that actually. I know that in 2006 a girl from Jersey won because I was told about it seperately by Kevin and a co-worker who is from Jersey and it made me re-realize that everyone I associate with is awesome.i didn’t know who Zebulon Pike was I bet Ben would have, since Lewis and Clark was the superquiz topic one year.
Him: pike’s peak? c’mon now. that’s a staple of the carmen sandiego series.
Me: hmph. i very rarely watched the show, because i think it was on the same time as Batman (the one with Adam West)
Him: not the show, stupid, the video game
Me: you must have played where in teh USA is carmen sandiego because the where in the world version certainly didn’t have such low class questions.

Notebooks & Matching Books Are Important

Me: with drug fair going out of business i was able to purchase a large quantity of Five Star notebooks (the best notebooks, imo, but also very expensive, as notebooks go) for very cheap. However, today I realized that a purchased a large stack of graph paper notebooks. So today I’m stuck at work with one and cannot carry out my OCD notetaking as planned AND i don’t have any 5 star one subject notebooks, period. You have no idea how annoyed I am right now.
Him: i have a very good idea. the most annoying part has to be that you’re an idiot and you know you’re an idiot. plus i think i’ve done that before and it’s the worst
Me: you have no idea how important the proper notebook is. different notebooks are used for different things. for example i have a regular 100 sheet spiral Mead notebook, but i would not use it for this – that would just be ridiculous. so i can’t start this note taking project today and it totally ruined my day. i am also inflexible and do not like change.
Him: if i could, i’d give you a really patronizing ‘there there’, since this is what all this deserves.
Me: joe was with me when i bought all these notebooks too, and he was purchasing graph paper lined notebooks, so that’s probably how i mistakenly wound up with these. so i’m offering all of them to him.
the other thing that is irritating me, is that I own the entire Stories of Civilization Series, but they are not all of the same edition, and now that I no longer live in New York, I can’t regularly troll the Strand to find the copies I want in the proper edition, nor can I rely on Amazon.com used, because without an image, I can’t verify that its from the edition that I want.  This is proof of my growing insanity, I know.

Him: you’re going to end up like the collyer brothers
Me: your more of a hermit than i’ll ever be.                                                                                                                                                  Him: it’s ‘you’re’ and ‘you’re’ probably right.

Extremely Important Decisions, Problems Making Them

Me: if you were taking notes on shakespeare would you take them in blue ink or black ink?                                                   Him: you’re asking me this just to get a patronizing response aren’t you i haven’t cared about ink hue since i had one of those cool multi-color pens when i was 9

Me: NO I NEED AN ANSWER.i also have red and green ink, but i only have a couple of those and given my propensity for losing pens, I don’t want to start a project in one of those colors and then not be able to continue it because I lack the proper ink color for it.

Important Decisions, How To Make Them

Him: you know what’s a way superior method to worrying about things like this? flipping a coin.
Me: but then you have to decide which is head and which is tails. and then after you flip the coin you have to decide if you’re really going to go along with the results of the coin toss  

But Decisions Have Consequences

Me: All of these black pens are defective.

Him: More like you’re defective.                                                                                                                                                                      Me: No, really, they all are. I can’t write smoothly with them.

Him: also googlemail is advertising pens to me, and i think that’s definitely your fault.
Me: i’m getting ads for pens too. but i have pens! what i need are notebooks. i actually found a 10 pack of one subject five stars on amazon, but it just says “assorted” and colors not guarenteed, and there are 10 different colors and I want to make sure I’m getting 10 DIFFERENT ones
Him: i doubt you are getting 10 different ones, the five-star people don’t cater to ridiculous neurotics like yourself
Me: that’s why I’m not going to order them online. I will go to a store where I can safely pick out different colors myself.
Him: will they have all ten assorted colors, though?! anyway i am watching the spelling bee. because it is awesome
Me: I don’t know, it may take me awhile to find all 10 colors. Some are rarer than other.

Ok, we are WAY TOO EXCITED about this. I already posted my “Election 08″ gift to Kevin, and wrote something reflective, and now I just can’t sit still. So, some randomosity: (I kept this draft all day. This is a collection of election day babblings.

Read the rest of this entry »

Background: Kevin is the older brother of one of my closest O-town friends. We used to know each other in real life. He was a couple years ahead of us in school, but I knew him from G&T, drama club and of course OnStage. In college, we started IMing each other randomly about political nonsense, and in post college life we have maintained an email friendship, based on more political nonsense (and lots of other inanities).

Read the rest of this entry »

Kevin: Obama’s grandma dies – sympathy landslide?

Me: that really is sad, actually, she missed seeing her grandson become president by one day.

wait, did i just admit that i think obama is going to win?

Kevin: Yes it is. And yes you did.

Kevin: McCain wants new agency to fix crisis. wow what a maverick and warshington outsider… proposing a commission and a new agency. lol

Me: mccain is a true new dealer. did you  see what i just did there?

**This is a repost; I actually wrote it quite awhile ago, but I wanted to share it with a larger audience. All two of you.

This is fully representative of the absolute nonsense exchanges that Kevin and I have been having for many, many years now, first via AIM in college and later via rapid fire emails when we’re both bored at work. Kevin is my high school best friend’s older brother. We actually used to know each other in real life, because we were both in Gifted & Talented in middle school, both did drama club, and both did tech for OnStage. Our joke now is that we could never hang out in real life, because we would have absolutely nothing to say to each other. We don’t talk about anything real.

Rachel: Bleh, It rained this morning and I didn’t have an umbrella because I don’t believe in them, and that’s not the outrageous part of the morning because that’s FREE CHOICE. I hate that people turn into even bigger morons whilst walking when it’s raining. They can’t maneuver and they’re too slow

Kevin: Indeed, though I dunno how umbrellas became a symbol of free choice

Rachel: I am choosing not to use an umbrella. I don’t complain when I get wet. I prefer to get wet rather than wield an unwieldy umbrella. I don’t like it when people get all in my face about not having an umbrella. shut up. Why do you care if I don’t have an umbrella, its not affecting you?

Kevin: Clearly this is a touchy subject haha

Rachel: I just wrote a long, passionate email about not carrying an umbrella. clearly, I need help

Kevin: …you mean longer than the one you just sent me?

Rachel: I refuse to carry an umbrella. I could claim this is because I don’t like having extra things in my bag but I carry random stuff around all the time, including books that are heavier than umbrellas. But I don’t like using an umbrella because it’s unwieldy and annoying and you can’t see where you’re going as well and it doesn’t even keep you that dry and then you get where you’re going and you have this wet, annoying thing and its like, well what do you do with it?

What I HATE is when I don’t carry an umbrella and get caught in the rain, and I get wet, AND I AM OKAY WITH THAT I KNOW I WILL GET WET IF I DON’T HAVE AN UMBRELLA AND IT HAPPENS TO RAIN I GET THAT THANK YOU, people are all like “oh you forgot your umbrella?!?” like its some tragedy. Or worse there’s the smug little “Got caught in the rain did you? Ho ho” Fuck you, I didn’t get “caught” in anything. And sometimes when I tell people that I don’t carry an umbrella, they think that’s insane or something. Really, I think humans walking around with umbrellas on the chance that MIGHT GET WET OH NO, OMG is what is ridiculous. Plus do you know how annoying it is to walk down a crowded city street full of people carrying umbrellas?!? People are even stupider in the rain than in regular days

And yes, I’m cranky today, but the fact that I got wet in the rain is not one of them and everyone just needs to accept that. GETTING WET IN THE RAIN WAS MY CHOICE. I knew it was going to happen and I didn’t much care when it happened so stop saying that that’s why I’m cranky. I’m not cranky because I got caught in the rain, people keep attributing my crankiness and that’s making me MORE CRANKY.

Kevin: Awesome.

E-mail, from Drucifer
“When do you come back, bitch???
Me, back to Drucifer
“Around June 24th. Also, I graduate in 10 days”
Drucifer: excellent, sounds super stellar swell terrific times!!
Me:  I’m glad you are enthusiastic about my homecoming. i feel special
Drucifer: I made out with a girl last night

And that is, strictly ironically, the way we roll.

So I’m watching “My Boys,” which is surprisingly good for a half-hour TBS original series: premise female sportswriter has all male friends. It’s actually quite cute and has good dialogue. As a girl who grew up being one of the guys, and yet reveling in some of my girliness, I find much of it very realistic. Except she’s totally into sports and I’ve never been a tomboy.

Anyway, I thought this line was perfect:

“So you gave your number to a guy you were not remotely interested in, and then YOU called HIM and asked him out?”

I think Brenty has probably said extremely similar things to me.

On second thought, lets go to the AIM log.

Just Rachel 129: i’m going out with [nice] Libertarian boy again tomorrow night
NascentIgnorance: i was going to ask about that
NascentIgnorance: but figured no news is good news
Just Rachel 129: no, no news is technically bad news, in the sense that i’m pretty sure he’s too nice for me
NascentIgnorance: oh right
NascentIgnorance: he doesn’t treat you badly or make believe that he doesn’t like you
Just Rachel 129: well hey, at least i’m going out with him again
Just Rachel 129: and giving him a chance to prove that he can be emotionally manipulative and infuriating
Just Rachel 129: plus his voice kind of annoys me, it’s too enthusiastic
NascentIgnorance: oh you need something droll and fatigued
NascentIgnorance: you should ask this guy if [way too inappropriatete]
NascentIgnorance: maybe then that’ll get something going
Just Rachel 129: it’s too late; he already calls me before midnight and wants to hold my hand in public
NascentIgnorance: well what do you expect?
NascentIgnorance: you went out with him because he reads the economist and probably voted for badnarik

JustRachel129: were you watching the daily show?
NascentIgnorance: no i never watch the daily show
JustRachel129: i’m trying to confirm whether jon stewart really just refered to himself as a downtown libertarian, or if i’m just projecting
NascentIgnorance: he probably did
JustRachel129: it’d more proof that libertarians are all hot
NascentIgnorance: right obviously
NascentIgnorance: i’m sure that reason.com is full of hunks

Jill-IAN: Neumsy, it’s our one year anniversary! I had my PLI job interview exactly a year ago.
Me: Oh yeah. And I didn’t like you because you were the idiot who forgot your ID
Jill-IAN: And I think I asked you what time it was.
Me: And I was probably bitchy.
Jill-IAN: I think I remember wondering what your problem was.
Me: And then you sat in the breakroom waiting for Dite, and I was like “Why is she still here?” And I was thinking there was no way you would get the job. Because you know, you were the idiot that forgot your ID.
Jill-IAN: And then I became like, the best thing to ever happen to you.
Me: Yes. Yes you did.
Jill-IAN: We should get MySpace pages so we can post “Happy Anniversary messages to each other on them.
Me: …..
Me: No
Me: MySpace ruins lives

“I heart you for 2-1-5, 3JP, Malibu Bay Breezes, Dawson’s Creek and Degrassi, careening through Brooklyn in the car making up new words to “How’s It Gonna Be” and laughing our asses off, and for nicknames, and Gin Blossoms, and Angela Chase, and ballet, and deep lunchtime conversations, and for misanthropic heroism, mallets, planes, suggestion boxes, and Coney Island and for analysis, and our band names, wanting to punch people, raccoons, and revalations, and being awesome, and for sharing a brain, and for torrid love affairs, alligator farms, and subway boyfriends, and for making fun of everything, Cinco de Mayo, and idiot-lion-cub-boy, and for not getting over ourselves and being the two coolest people on the planet.”

Jill-IAN: After you leave, I’m just going to call the new girl ‘Rachel’ and I’m going to sit with her at lunch and tell her stories about you.
Me: So you’ll frighten her and she’ll think you’re psychotic.
Jill-IAN: And then she’ll quit and you’ll have to come back from Chicago.
Me: You don’t even call me Rachel. Why would you call her Rachel?
Jill-IAN: Well I’m not going to call her Neumsy! You’re Neumsy.