“If this is inner peace then the Buddhists are wasting their fucking time”
-Kevin, quote of the week and perhaps the month.

Since the entry this morning was possibly unreasonably hostile, I am writing again, to counteract its tone. Livejournal has truly become the volumes.

Last night was good, then came home, fell asleep watching Shawshank Redemption. I also went for a walk today at lunch, because it is sunny and nice out, even though there is still a disgusting amount of slush.

Also, I love my Prince Charming frog. He is proudly perched upon my dresser the display-shelf-thing that came with the room. I purchased him for half price + employee discount at b&n a few weeks after Valentine’s Day last year, but just because he was cheap does not mean he is not PRICELESS. Obviously.

Hydration is the best thing ever. I’ve not felt like death at work in weeks.

I need to do laundry tonight. It will be an adventure, as my landlord has informed me it is impossible to do laundry, even though there are several Laundromats. My landlord and her husband also have “spirited” conversations in Greek. But she bakes us cookies, so the noise is forgivable. The hissing radiator is still scary.

I’m hyper and I haven’t even had coffee.

* Except in 8^th grade when I was in my phrase of going out of my way to appear “cynical.” I think this just consisted of wearing a lot of black and making a show of broodingly writing in my notebook? Brent, can you confirm? And I remember stamping my foot and saying “Valentine’s Day is a useless attempt by insecure males to woo their mates with candy and flowers.” In retrospect, Valentine’s Day is usually more about insecure females than males, but I was thirteen, so I demand you forgive my shortsightedness.

This morning, I was hunting for my shoes, and found a sugar packet with the Skidmore logo, the kind that they used to have out at the SPA and Cyber Café. I have no idea how it got there.

I’ve FINALLY got my Rutgers application out (delayed solely because of procrastination). Dallas is the only one that’s left. The SOP is done, but they also ask for you to write an “educational history” ie, the changes you went through in your academic career that led to now. I am trying to fit the Hampshire experience, the “Rachel when are you going to admit you’re a Giant Right-Winger?” and the “Screw D.C., I want to read Hobbes and make lattes.”

(Of course, beyond the academic evolution that sounds pretty on paper, there is the shallow version, which I may write up, just for fun.)

Moving is a hassle. I’m sure I should consider “do I really need all these books?” but I don’t bother to ask myself that question because the answer is “Yes.” At this point, I’m over having to move and just want to be done with the move. Furniture needs to be taken apart, kitchen things need to be bought for the new place, and utility things need to be arranged. My perpetual desire to just be settled is acting up – and ‘settled’ will have to wait until February 4th.

I think I must’ve overdosed on the Sudafed yesterday, because I was all buzzing and out of it, and in retrospect, the drugs were probably hurting more than they were helping. It was a “I’m having trouble forming sentences” kind of day.

Anyway. Tuesday was supposed to be an unofficial work X-Mas Party/Celebration of the “Shock and Awe” of CK’s one year anniversary here. Almost everyone who was supposed to go skipped work, and those who made it in had long commutes home ahead of them, so it wound up being just CK and I. We of course toasted to Jersey, and  to the Libertarian Revolution.

CK has really become my favorite co-worker, and some of it really is a “It’s a Jersey thing. You wouldn’t understand.” But Tuesday was good for conversation about politics, relationships, work/school, travel, and drunken adventures. His girlfriend dislikes me immensely, because she doesn’t like her boyfriend getting along with girls, and the way this has unfolded has been very amusing. It’s very junior high-ish. Office politics are silly. Anyway, Tuesday night was one of those times when you have a conversation with someone and realize that you’ve become friends, which was nice.

I was supposed to go to The Boy’s last night, especially since there are now cats at his place, but he had to work late, and I didn’t feel well, so I went home, did laundry, and crashed. I really need to start packing up the apartment and getting ready to move, which is a hassle.

Other than that, I am simply looking forward to a four-day weekend. It doesn’t feel like Christmas; I guess I’m bombarded with all the X-Mas stuff so much everyday that I just don’t see it. I will be thankful, however, that I am not working at B&N café.

At this time last year I was taking my Modern Political Thought final. Literally.

I have a bad cold and medicine isn’t helping enough and I took A LOT of Benadryll last night so I am all groggy. Me on Benadryll is similar to me drunk; I babble and then I pass out. When I am sick I get inexplicable cravings for Burger King hamburgers. It’s odd.

I am ignoring the dress code and wearing jeans, because no one will yell at me for wearing jeans when probably a quarter of the office will be out today. It seems many people aren’t even bothering to TRY to come in. I know it would be a giant pain in the ass for many, but if one of my co-workers can heroically walk from 186th Street, the people in Queens can indeed get their asses to MetroNorth.

CK just sauntered into work — on time for once — and raised his fist in a show of Jersey solidarity. We wished each other a Happy Transit Strike; “man, I know this must suck for most New Yorkers, but if you’re from Jersey, it feels like a Holiday!”

I was coming in from Bloomfield this morning, and my train to Penn Station was late. Penn Station was a mess, and there were swarms of people on the street. And then I hit Times Square and it was like ‘Where did all the people go?’ I think a lot of people stayed home, maybe, or are just late, because the streets seemed pretty quiet north of Times Square. It could stand to be a few degrees warmer and I wish I didn’t have a cold, but it is indeed a very Happy Transit Strike.

CK and I are both ridiculously smug about our unaffected commutes, because there is much bitching and moaning at the office. Even if NJ Transit were to strike, there’s private competition in Jersey and still would be ways of getting to work. Jersey is the best. NYC liberalism + common sense conservatism. I am so, so sad that I am going to be moving

I’ve already lost the hat that I so smartly purchased, and this was the wrong morning to be without a hat. I am probably going to be reduced to buying an “I ‘Heart’ NY” hat from one of the touristy vendors by my office. It will probably cost $12. Yay Midtown-Tourist District. I’m at 52^nd and 7^th, so I’m mere blocks away from Rockefeller Center and the awful, awful tree (stolen from Wayne, NJ!) and Radio City Music Hall and the area is simply teeming with stupid tourists.

I really hope the MTA goes on strike because

a) It won’t affect me

b) I enjoy chaos (which is very un-Hobbesian of me!)

c) I like the fear-mongering in the media. Especially because it is also supposed to snow on Thursday

I am drinking disgustingly bad coffee that I bought at the kiosk downstairs. However, the bad coffee is kind of growing on me, and it does its job.

Also, I am a walking Ann Taylor ad today. Except for the functional footwear.

Apartment drama continues. I go back and forth between really, really wanting to stay in my place and wanting to just move and not deal with the increased rent/lease hassle, so I am making lots of phone calls and playing with budget numbers, and being all Type-A. And Brent would make my life sooo much easier if he would get over his “I don’t want to live with a girl” nonsense.

Grad School

I started my countdown-to-graduation journal right after Thanksgiving. (And had another countdown-to-SYMBOLIC-graduation last April/May) It was a good motivator to write, among other things.

It’s also a good way to force myself to get things done before the new year, because then I can write about it. Do you know Microsoft word marks “new year” as a grammatical error if you don’t capitalize it? I don’t think ‘new year’ needs to be capitalized unless you’re referring specifically to the holiday. But I digress.

Anyway. In 34 days it will be 2006. I will have survived my first year in The Real World and be more than half way through the experimental “time off.” My only goals are to finish the three applications that are due in December, and to not have a horrible New Years Eve. The latter will probably be accomplished by actually going to bed at 10 PM, as I should have done last year, instead of carousing through the city with HeWhoShallNotBeNamed. I mean, that was technically New Year’s Eve-Eve, and it was a really fun night, but obviously god agreed with…well all my friends who told me not to go, because that evening ended disastrously. Sebastian, the only one of my friends who is religious, must have made some kind of deal. But I digress.

I am currently at work, having just finished a project, and am tooling around until I get more work. I am worrying about a variety of things; my nails are bitten down to nothing. NaNo-ing has simply not happened as much as I would have liked this year. I meant to go to more meet-up things (and I miss the Capital District chats that Emily was always setting up last year) but grad school stuff, and other busyness got in the way. I actually have over 45,000 words of essaying and could easily make it to 50,000 if I threw myself into writing these next few nights, but it’s certainly not a novel, and it’s certainly not anything that’s near a finished product. The essay I really want to write is still not happening, but HTLAR has been progressing swimmingly. Regardless, I’m going to attend the TGIO gathering on Thursday. I suppose I could say once again that I digress, but then I would have to have had a point from which to digress.

I’m going to go back to crafting the perfect Chicago SOP. I should automatically be granted admission, because I think the reading group I was in Spring 2004 was kind of Straussian. Plus, it’s very U Chicago to spend a weekend night (and the weekend did indeed start on Thursday at Skidmore. It was Rule #1 according to my Comp. Politics professor) discussing bio-ethics, and freshman curriculum, and Genesis. Especially when it’s done over beer.

Tuesday Just Might Go My Way

I have some intense bronchitis going on.

Thus, I’m actually using my sick days, because as tempting as it is to go to work and have the opportunity to infect hundreds of suburbanites with my illness, my inability to walk up the stairs without gasping for breathe makes me reluctant to run back and forth behind the counter all day. So I am giving into shunning responsibility. Which makes me antsy, because all I can think about is how I’m not at work, and I should be at work, and there are things I need to get done at work. Because I’m neurotic.

However, eventually I just start to bore myself. And then I get sick of clicking through my usual websites. And I think “hey, I haven’t read Reason lately.” So I start reading Reason, and then I have to click on all their links, and of course, I have to read Drudge Report, and then I get into reading this feature story in the London Times about what it dubs the “Arabian Spring,” and…

And I catch up on a lot of stuff that I haven’t been paying attention to.

It’s way too soon to claim I’m going to turn back into a political animal. But I must admit, there’s far more to read this way.

2 papers down, 1 final done, only THE final left to go.

I spent the morning hanging out in the government department lounge. Then I took my final, which was ridiculously easy, went to Scotty’s with Laura, went X-Mas shopping, and then napped. I’ve had butterflies in my stomach and have been mildly anxious since I woke up. I’m slightly nervous about my Modern final because I’m never sure if I’ve studied enough and I’m starting to go into shock that I’m really finished tomorrow.

This semester went by ridiculously fast. When I got back to school in September I never imagined I would wind up where I am now. Hitting rock bottom in early October meant things really did have no where to go but up. Stupid optimism. I know “who are you and what have you done with Rachel” etc. It’s nice to hear that question again, it’s been too many years.

I have a million things to say, and I’m not sure I can actually articulate them all. But it will have to wait until after THE final.

I spent Sunday being incredibly social, especially if one is to count the post midnight, pre-sleeping hours, but being that it is not tomorrow until you wake up, I qualify that as part of Saturday. Today was breakfast with Keith, coffee with Di, studying with Matt, gettting steak and beer with Kristen to celebrate going to school together an insane amount of years, movie watching with the housemates, voluntarily speaking on the phone for more than 5 minutes, falling into bed exhausted and now NOT BEING ABLE TO FALL BACK SLEEP. I’ve gotten very little sleep in the past few days. It’s affecting my eidetic memory and power of coherence. When I get my act together and start a blog I’m totally using Eidetic in the title.

I need to revise my 3.5 years essay because it’s lacking something and I don’t know what.

I have my list of things I’m going to miss about this place (or rather, people I’m going to miss) but I’m very much looking forward to going home, and seeing my Jersey boys, diner-ing, making Brent buy me drinks with his poker winnings, seeing Ray, who is home from Italy, letting Jon educate me about The City, psuedo-intellectual-Neo-Victorian coffee, etc. While I’m not looking forward to making lattes with my college degree, I’m looking forward to seeing the cafe superheroes and having my day brightened by all the cool booksellers.

I don’t think the fact that I’m done with college is going to sink in until the end of winter break, when everyone at home goes back to school and I stay in O-Town and go insane and speak German and study Wittgenstein and fall further in love with Nietzsche. I’m a really awful Jew. And my family is doing a very Jewish X-Mas this year, with Chinese food, movies, barbecuing, and no tree. This is on request of my father who is the one member of my immediate family that is not 100% Jewish and actually grew up celebrating X-Mas and being raised Protestant. Jewishness, however, has clearly corrupted him because Jews are a powerful, persuasive, and awesome race.

Thirty-ish hours until I’m done with finals. Then, calling up everyone I know to shriek “OMG I’m DONE!”, saying good-bye to people, one more Dunkin’ Donuts/confessional drive evening, packing, probably some crying because endings, good or bad, are naturally bittersweet. I’ll be in Jersey by dinnertime on Wednesday and hopefully in the vapid mobile sometime later that night.

One more thing checked off my “Things to Do Before I Graduate” list.

Edited to Add: Is it really bad that I’m going to graduate in NINETEEN DAYS and I had to edit this entry because I spelled NINETEEN wrong the first time. And now I’m paranoid that this way is wrong to, so my idiocy will be further proved. I love my life. No. Seriously. I do. STOP LAUGHING!!!!

“I don’t ever want to be like you/I don’t want to do the things you do”
~EuroSim 2004, with Josh & V/Car rides, November 2004 (I love DEEP emo songs, yo)

Even though I was up till nearly 4 AM I’m up by 10:30, no alarm. I half miss the guilt that comes from “sleeping long and far too late.” I don’t miss the feeling of “I don’t know if I’m going to make it out of bed for my 12:40 class.” That was just unhealthy. Although, as has been determined by very scientific means: 12:40 classes last longer than any other class.

But I do like Senior Night done my way. Besides I was fearful that if I actually to senior night, I’d have no choice but to get mind numbingly drunk. And that means the potential for embarrasment is much higher.

My taste in music, is often akin to my taste in movies (no, not HORROR). Thus I have “Heart of the Matter” in my head. It’s a perfectly cheesy tribute to destruction and forgiveness. 

 It reminds me of 8th grade. And who has GOOD memories of 8th grade? (Although, there are tons of pictures from this time period of me, surrounded by bunch of guys so perhaps I shouldn’t complain. The pictures are really amusing because I’m about a foot shorter than everyone else. I wonder what happened to all those idiot boys.

I register for my last semester of classes in about an hour. Which is frightening in many respects. However, I am NOT excited for any of them. I just want to be done. So much.

I completely overdosed on the caffeine yesterday, and was wide awake at 4:30. However, in situations like these, I highly recommend finding the other insane people up at that hour and making them go for walks with you. Especially if it ends with getting breakfast.

Walking around in the rain puts that song “Kiss the Rain” in my head. But the only part I know is the refrain. So it’s annoying.

I need to blow off midterms more often (I got a 98 on the APD midterm)

I am apparently a finalist for the I.H.S fellowship. Which I now have my hopes up for, which is bad. It’s still somewhat of an ego boost though

I have decided to convert LJ from naive political rants to bad attempts at writing essay-ish things, and forcing myself to post them, good or bad, 2-3 times a week.

The Tempest is an awesome play. (damn you 9th grade English for not doing it justice and damn you Mr. Beardsley for giving the stupidest tests ever!)

A less angsty week than last, although that’s hardly difficult. A few more days…and it’s supposed to rain a lot, so now people can’t hang out on the Green!

I am a loser.

When I need comfort, I read my favorite parts of Atlas Shrugged, partially because reading my copy and my old notes remind me of the first time I read the book Also, I am a hopeless romantic, and Dagny and Rearden are the best literary couple ever.

I also like little snippets of randian wisdom to brighten my day, so I have a website with her quotes bookmarked.

Reason is not automatic Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it. Do not count on them. Leave them alone

Also, I like getting back from class and being in a better mood than when I left. It may have something to do with Evan sitting next to me and writing notes back and forth for 2 hours like middle schoolers.

My Professor, on the Jews “You guys are all right…but…”

Among other things.

And, we need the right to bear arms to shoot stupid people who don’t know what monotheism is.

Also, I was driving around listening to JBJ, and that also put me in a good mood.

Somehow I don’t think Rand would approve of JBJ. But i will attribute the apparent contradiction to the fact that I am a loser who only minutes ago exclaimed “Oh my god, we’re getting cable tomorrow, I can watch the primaries on TV”

And on that note, I’m going to bed

Considering I’m back in the world of academia I should have something intelligent, thoughtful, and perhaps deep to say, but I don’t. This is quickly turning from a political rants journal to a regular live journal, although I’m not spilling out any deep dark secrets (sorry profile pirates). Speaking of pirates, someone drew a really cool pirate ship on our transfer mural in Moore.

Transfers! I’ll talk about transfers.

So yeah.

Running transfer orientation went really well. We have a good group, who seem to ‘mesh’ well. They actually came to our community service event (ours was painting a mural, we were lucky…most freshman got stuck raking leaves, cleaning up trash and painting trees ((what the hell is painting trees anyway))). There’s no way to say “welcome” like “Hi, its your second day here! Guess what you’re doing!?! Picking up trash because the college is broke and can’t pay someone to do it! So we’re going to dress it up like a community service project, even though its doing nothing for the community!” But I digress.

Anyway, mural painting with the transfers was lots of fun, and then most of them came to our house on Monday night, and our living room was overflowing with people. We kept them seperated from the freshman for the most part, because they know how to go to college, and we didn’t like all the stupid frosh-events they had us do when we transferred. So yay for our successful transfer orientation.

Hm. I’m not even going to try to bullshit on why this is political.

It’s Friday late morning and I have class today…Class on Friday is an outrage, especially for a former Hampshire student. But its just IA 101, so its easy and not until after 12, so if I suddenly become a social butterfly this semester I can go out on Thursday nights. But that probably won’t happen.

I leave in less than 48 hours and I’m not even packed yet. Going back to school snuck up on me this year, I guess because I’m used to being stuck at home for a week with no one around, since everyone’s school seems to start earlier than mine. Yay for running transfer orientation or something.

I am milling around my room putting stuff in boxes, changing my mind about what box it goes in, and working on my Atlas Shrugged essay that should be done already.
When I get to Skidmore I have a million bureaucratic things to take care of — final plans for transfer orientation, filling out forms for my self-determined major, and finding out more about Washington Semester.
Washington Semester looks like it would be a great opportunity — classes in foreign policy that I can’t get at Skidmore, and have a good internship. Yet I’m still all unsure about going, because in some ways I feel like I just got to Skidmore, and just settled in. Educationally, and even career wise, going to Washington would be the best move. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to get the Self-Determined Major committee to approve it. Blah. I have gotten bad with decisions ever since my super bad decision to go the Hampshire

Oh well. I will figure it out, etc, etc, etc, etc. Right now I’m excited to get back to school see everyone, and feel as if I’m accomplishing something.