After having a screwy day on Monday, I was terrified when my boss called me into his office and shut the door yesterday afternoon. (Residual effect of The-Job-That-Wasn’t, I believe)

Then he posed a grammar question to me, and we debated it for a minute, and he said “Well, we’ll keep this for now, but think about it.”

So I did. I also posed the question to the Libertarians, because the people there are equally dorky and it of course sparked a conversation about grammar-things. Which led to a conversation about how good grammar is an attractive quality and bad grammar is a Deal Breaker.

As for the grammar question itself, I came up with the right answer, and the evidence to back it up and I think my changes are being accepted.

Of course, in posting the question online, I managed to make a grammatical error because that’s how these things go.

And of course, grammar was a favorite topic between O-L-B and I. Of course.

I didn’t stop for coffee this morning and therefore did not realize that I did not have my wallet until I got to work. Grrr. Not only do I desperately need caffeine, but it’s also annoying to not have my wallet – I’m going to have to borrow a couple dollars for lunch, because I don’t have food here.

I think I am buying my car this weekend. I will be glad to get it over with. Initially, I wasn’t going to buy until early May, but my hand was sort of forced to do so early. I am okay with that now – I think I am okay money wise, even with needed a new laptop. I think, anyway. I am not very good at budgeting.

I talked to Sarah, a girl I went to grad school with, briefly yesterday afternoon. I was telling her about my essay and bashing our preceptor. She still works at UChicago, so she is literally right down the hall from him, which is weird. The year at UChicago still feels like a dream to me at times.

Anyway, this is yet another entry that I’m writing, where I really have nothing to say, but I hope that by forcing myself into regular blogging, the brilliance will come back to me. If I ever had it to begin with.

I was just thinking today that I have become a very bad blogger. It also the case that everything I write seems to be a bit too angsty or TMI-y or emo for public consumption. How I wish blogging had been around when I was 16…

Actually,  given what I know about me at 16, that would not end well.

Shudder.

Anyway, I actually logged into my email and found a comment from an “Anonymous” asking me about what made me go to Hampshire, and bad college experiences in general. This could be a joke from one of my friends who has stumbled upon my blog and wants to roll their eyes at my spiel on the subject. 

Even if that’s the case, I could still probably write something up here, and probably should on the whole subject of “How College Was Not The Best Four Years of My Life, Because If Those Were The Best Four Years of My Life, I Should Just Die Now” especially now that I have survived a few years in grown-up world (And grad school) I was painfully, horribly shy in college.

And I’ll try to write something worthwhile on the subject soon. Or any subject.

Here’s the problem with unemployment.

You tell yourself, that since you have all this time, you’re going to get Stuff Done. You’re going to sort through those boxes of random junk. You’re going to organize your photo albums. You’re going to keep up with your journal. You’re going to have time to write, which is what you really want to do.

And then exactly none of that winds up happening and you still need a job, damnit, because bills won’t pay themselves!

I’m so bored. The office is quiet and empty due to a staff retreat. I think I’ve already annoyed Drew, David, and Kevin enough with my incessant messaging but I am so bored. And as my recent LiveJournal history shows, I have lost the ability to write. Not that I had it too much to begin with, but I at least used to be able to waste a good amount of time composing articulate entries.

This morning, I got up early and finally got my computer to the Apple Store. When I lived in Chicago, it was not an exaggeration to say that besides my apartment and office, I spent more time at the Apple Store than anywhere else in Chicago. Well, the stupid Macbook continues to be cursed. Luckily this time it was just a case of replacing the battery. The Apple Store on 5th Avenue is fairly insane. I was leaving at about 8:45 AM, and going up the stairs to get out was similar to fighting my way up a crowded subway station stairwell; there were that many people going into the store.

I don’t get it.

Actually, it should surprise actually no one that work is slow. Many companies have this week off. Nothing happens in the business world this week.

Unless, of course, you work for an Israeli-affiliated non-profit.

The end of the year puts me in even more of a reflective mood than usual (who? Me? Never!) Last week, I was thinking how indifferent I was to Christmas, and how I kind of miss liking the season. I don’t mean in the little kid excitement way, I mean in the genuinely good, warm feelings that followed me around during Christmas when I was a teenager. I don’t know why. (Quote Marianne’s ‘carolgram’ to me in 11th grade: “You can’t say no to love.”)

It wound up being a nice Christmas. I ran into Jon on the train back to Jersey on Saturday. My brother gave him a ride home and Jon called me into the house for a minute. Being inside his house brings back far too many memories. Anyway, he got me a Christmas gift (?) and was telling me the whole ride over not to be excited, because it was really small and dumb. He got me “Cheaters” on DVD, which of course caused me to throw my arms around him and shriek “Oh my god, I love it! It’s perfect!” about 30 times.

Sunday, the sibling and I started and finished our shopping in record time, because we are awesome like that. Monday was pseudo-intellectual-Neo-Victorian coffee with the sibling and then Christmas Eve with my aunt’s house, aka the side of the family that I can actually stand. Tuesday morning, I did gift exchange with the family and then my brother drove me back to Astoria.

It was a boring weekend, mostly, with enough restlessness to cause my mind to wander a lot, but it could have been worse. Tuesday night, I did some rearranging of furniture (I still have tons of unpacking and cleaning to do) ordered Indian food and, because my roommate was still gone, listened to my Carrie Underwood CD at top volume.

So I’ve been awake since way too ungodly an hour since I got up to get a drink of water and realized “oh. we apparently don’t have water.” Also still have to figure out how to get Emily her keys, considering she doesn’t know I have them in the first place, and I don’t have a cell phone (still.) Which means I don’t want to leave Hyde Park to attempt to get cell phone issue resolved because I’m relying on internets to communicate about keys.

I’m unneccesarily stressed and paranoid about all this cat sitting stuff. Like some guy was right behind me going into the building last night and I was very conscious of him walking up the stairs behind me and I was thinking “omg, what if he tries to rob me? What if he tries to make me open the apartment and then lets out the cat?!?” Even though there’s plenty of electronics that I’m sure would-be robber would care about way more than the cat. But I would save my own cat over a DVD player and now that I’m talking about it, I’m getting myself anxious about this actually happening.

I’m generally never worried about my personal safety, and like there’s these moments of panic here, its always a bit of relief to open the door and confirm that yes, cat is still alive and well. And now I’m all paranoid and anxious to go over there, but I have to wait until an acceptable hour to confirm the water problem isn’t just my apartment and find out if I need to let maintenence people in.

I still don’t feel good. Being that I always feel about 15 degrees hotter than it actually is, the heat and I are not getting along already. And not having water is just a good way to start the day, when all I want is a shower.

I am puttering about, waiting for my laundry to be done. Obviously I should have spent these hours reading/taking notes for my final but motivation level continues to rest at zeo. As Em aptly stated last night “Yeah, I should go home and read. But I’m sure there’s a Law & Order episode on somewhere.”

Yesterday, I indulged in some hardcore retail therapy. I got some much needed summer clothes and not-very-needed cute skirts. And then I bought a dress. A very pretty dress, but regardless, I am a soon-to-be-unemployed-poor-graduate-student who should not be spending that much money on a single article of clothing. But its pretty. Oh. And then there were cute shoes. Oops.

Tonight, there will be free food, both at our End of the Year gathering, and at the Social Sciences BBQ. After that shopping spree, I must take advantage. 

The sad thing is, tomorrow I have to get downtown to FINALLY FINALLY get my computer fixed, and I will likely buy a pair of flip-flops and maybe find some job interview clothes. What? My Express black pants are nearly 3 years old! I can’t go on a job interview in ratty looking pants. 

My laundry should be done in a few minutes, baring another laundry-disaster, and then I really need to get my ass to campus to get some real studying done before this evening.

Up till 2:00 reading Waltz & Sagan.

From now until May 31, nuclear strategy owns my life. Then, until June 5, my life is owned by US-Asia relations, more nuclear strategy, and conventional warfare/Iraq.

I’d like to claim that my life will be owned by nothing after that, but I’m go to be a ball of anxiety until I find a job. But either way, my academic career will be over in a little over three weeks. (or WILL it?!? Stay tuned for at least a year’s more hedging on to PhD or not to PhD!)

I fell asleep last night at a very decent hour which was much needed as I’d not slept well the past few nights. Only to be awakened maybe an hour or so later by a massive thunderstorm and the wind blowing rain through my open window screen. Grr. That’s what I get for describing the weather as “entirely too nice out.” 

I’m gonna go drink a giant cup of coffee. I miss the horrible coffee from my building at work. $1 for 24 oz of caffeinated slug. I should stock up on energy drinks of my way home. I have recently discovered this one made by Arizona that actually contains like 3% juice and even has some Vitamins so I don’t feel bad drinking it. Mmm, delicious Taurine.

On a side note, I have been on live journal for four years. That’s a lot of my life on the internet.

I’m doing pre-class reading in my apartment instead of my office so I’m still in my pajamas. I am drinking coffee and feeling about as unproductive as Spring semester, 2004. The correlations do not escape me.

I miss my study group from last quarter. Seeing them twice a week for a couple hours kept me sane.
I have not been writing as much as I would like. I have not talked to Jill-IAN in three weeks. I have not gone to Target to purchase things I very much need, such as a new shower curtain, sheets, and towels. Such domestic needs.

Ug. I want to live somewhere and know that I’m going to be living there for more than a year, but I don’t foresee that happening in the near future.

And I want to meet a guy that I actually like, because I’m realizing the last time I met someone new who I actually liked was a very, very, very long time ago. Even with going by my pattern that I can only like-like a guy every three to four years, I feel I am overdue. Atrophy indeed.

I’m going to finish my coffee, get dressed (and I will probably wind up underdressed because I have no clean sweaters) and go to campus to find lunch.

Pass me the WHINE, it’s just a minor variation.

I ran a bunch of errands for my mom today, which required navigating through various suburban locales (in my mother’s car, which is rather unwieldy) and cursing the traffic. Just as I was in the middle of an internal rage about downtown Ridgewood (which I stupidly decided to drive through after missing the turn for Glen Avenue when everyone who grew up in the FLOW area should know that you shouldn’t go through downtown Ridgewood to get to Route 17) JBJ’s “Who Says You Can’t Go Home” came on the radio.

I took it as a sign that I should appreciate Jersey things, got some chai, and then managed to merge onto 17 in the stupid, unweildy car without having heart failure. There were lots of rageful drivers and flourishing commerce.

I also had thin crust pizza for lunch. I love New Jersey.

I had set aside today to work on my thesis proposal. It is not happening.

Things I Have Done So Far This Break Instead of Writing my Thesis Proposal

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I haven’t changed the time on my laptop to reflect Midwestern time. I have lived in the Northeast all my life (except for summer abroad) and so I am not into this whole “Central Time Zone” thing. It means the Daily Show comes on at 10 and that I have to remember to call my friends back home at eight-something my time, because it’s already 9-something there, and I don’t want to call too late.

They have various beers here that one cannot find in the Northeast. I’m sure there are brands of stuff that you can’t find here, but I haven’t noticed yet. Also, the Co-op by me takes off 5% if you bag your own groceries. I found this out because I made a big shopping trip, politely told the bagger I would bag my own stuff (it was my career for three years. I bag groceries better than you. Trust me. Also, I still remember a lot of produce codes) and found I got nearly $8 off. Eight dollars is important when you’re a student. I just spent an obscene amount of money on books for class.

Other Things:
There are imported squirrels here
There is a brand of soda called “Wildwood.” It tastes like RC Cola. They also make seltzer, orange soda, etc.
Different brands of bottled water than home
People are weirdly friendly. Like when we were driving out here, the toll collectors on the Ohio and Indiana Turnpikes were really happy and friendly. And the hotel people at the Ramada were friendly and not snooty.

I’m sure I will notice lots of other quirks. Right now though I am really, really tired and am going to go back to my apartment and take a nap. In the middle of the day. I like being a student.

It’s morning. I couldn’t sleep last night. My parent’s house is big and suburbia is too quiet and creepy, and I’ve never liked staying there by myself. This is very silly.

My outrageous cats woke me up, and I can’t fall back asleep,. I turned on the TV and one of those Early Morning shows and it was these two plasticized women making juice and it burned my eyes. So instead I’m watching Saved by the Bell: The College Years.

I seem to have forgotten how to drive. I haven’t done any really driving since maybe October? I was on 208 last night, in the right lane, and freaked out over someone poorly merging in at Ewing. I need to practice driving if before I make the drive to Chicago.

Today’s agenda includes driving to the mall to buy summer clothes (yay no tax on clothing), going to B&N to see my old boss, and Trivial Pursuit with Brenty. There will probably be a wacky drive, and then a diner trip. Brent and I have become picky about which diner we go to in our old age – we have several diners we’ve eliminated due to bad experiences there. Like the Empress in Fair Lawn – we won’t go there, especially since we once said “We’re never going to here again” and then we DID go there again, and were reminded why we never want to go there. Brent won’t go to Stateline, because he doesn’t like the parking spaces. Neither of us like the Wayne Hills.

Usually at some point, one of us will say “Screw it, let’s just go to Hillside.” And then we skulk in there, being “That Guy” and play with the sugar centerpiece that holds ads that haven’t changed in two decades.

We’re way too old to go to Hillside, but I suppose I could say it’s supporting local, hometown business, and is thus acceptable.

Time to go bring the garbage cans in and make coffee. It’s not even 9 AM.

My co-workers are the best. I am being kept awake by our random exchanges. And Lean Cuisine. Because eating gives you energy! Even if it’s gross food.

I am really dehydrated because of drinking + the heat in my apartment actually being on + the heat in the office blasting. So I’m drinking a lot of water, and someone informed me about the dangers of dying via over-hydration. Which I had actually heard of happening, except that was to people who had taken ecstacy. But maybe it means my dislike for water is actually an ingrained survival mode?

I need to sleep tonight though. I’ve not been getting enough sleep and I’m going to be up late tomorrow for OMG, Billy Joel. And laundry also needs to get done tonight because it’s going to be a busy weekend. However, being spontaneous and going out on a Tuesday night, is far healthier than avoiding going out because I have silly little tasks like laundry to accomplish, because going out can actually be fun! And that is what I learned this week.