Good Things

(1) I worked from home on Thursday, because it was set to snow all day, and both my bosses have the attitude “It’s way more important for you to be safe than anything that’s going on in the office.” Sadly, many bosses do not have this attitude, so I appreciate it.

(2) The power went out on Thursday night and Friday, it was still snowing and I couldn’t get to work. And I obviously couldn’t work from home, because the power was out. My boss was totally understanding.

(3) I went to family friend’s house on Friday night, for dinner. They are my parent’s best friends and I grew up with their kids, and they are basically some of the best people in the world.

(4) I flirted with a Libertarian from Canada who I have never met IRL, and probably never will, on Facebook chat last night, for the second Saturday in a row. No, I have no shame. Why do you ask?

(5) I talked to Lisa last night about anniversaries, pathetic Saturday nights, and comparing yourself to people you graduated with. There is something truly comforting about the people who know all your flaws and still love you.

Not-So-Good-Things

(1) No power.

(2) A Research Associate application I put together could have been better. Why did I not do more quantitative research in grad school?

(3) General laziness.

More details to follow. Monday I’ll likely be very busy at work, due to not being in the office on Thursday/Friday, but after that I have to write about these things, and also how Jon Bon Jovi is one of the wisest men in the world.

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I’m busy playing “hurry up and wait” with some things at work that are making me feel as if I don’t have it together and I’m not on top of things. I hate that. It is also causing me to be weirdly procrastinate-y with both stuff here and job applications stuff. Did I mention I’m tired and had nightmares about Jason Voorhees (of Friday the 13th fame) last night?

At least it’s Friday. I will try to restrain from whining/fretting about the laundry I have to do and the errands I must run and the gym I AM GOING TO GO TO DAMNIT (I have Milly now, as reinforcement). Of course, by informing you of that (alleged) restrain, I have in fact whined/fretted.

I want to see the movie Valentine’s Day, because it is supposed to be similar to Love, Actually. No one will see it with me, and I rarely go to the movie anyway, (In fact, the last thing I saw in the theaters was the Friday the 13th remake that came out last February – perhaps that’s why I have Jason Voorhees on the brain) but maybe I’ll just go by myself this weekend. Mm, movie popcorn with delicious artificial butter.

Speaking of movies, my Younger-Wiser-Sibling (who clearly has too much time on his hands. Oh to have the musicians lifestyle) started bombarding me with text messages/emails about the movie Armaggedon. Yes, the Bruce Willis movie about the giant asteroid. (I love that movie!) I have posted it below for my own entertainment. Perhaps, you too will find it funny (unlikely). More likely, you just think it is lunacy and don’t get why I am cracking up over it. If, however, it makes sense to you AND you think it’s funny, than you, are perhaps my soulmate/new best friend.

Deep Thoughts on Armaggedon (The Movie) – by Rachel’s Younger-Wiser-Sibling

I was watching armageddon and it struck me how the president of the USA was giving a speech to the entire world, and he said “I’m not the President, or the leader of a major country, but a citizen of the world”, and it was and odd thing to say given how amero-centric the response to the catastrophe was then I started thinking about how that blithe ignorance of the unilateral v. multinational split in american politics could only happen pre-9/11.

Also, the shuttles are named the Freedom and Independence — as if the asteroid is an evil threat to america — as opposed to something that is going to blow up the entire world.

It’s sort of like when Liv Tyler starts crying when they think that both shuttles blew up and everything failed — not because that means the world (her life and everyone else’s life included) is going to end in 12 hours but because that means Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis are dead.

For instance, what would Obama think about the way we responded to the asteroid, without even consulting other countries or asking the UN if it would be okay to use a nuke? I also assume that we were the only country who knew about it (aside from Russia, of course, but only because they were helping with refueling from the space station), and that they took great care to make sure that no other countries found out about that. I cannot imagine the EU being very happy to learn that the American government is hiding apocolyptic secrets from the rest of the world on the grounds that it ‘knows better’ than everyone else and all that

Also, I forgot to mention that the whole film was probably co-funded by the NASA lobby and the nuclear research/arms lobby.

I wound up leaving work early on Thursday. I woke up on Friday for just long enough to send an “I’m sick” email and then slept the rest of the day. After an incredibly lazy weekend, I woke up on Monday feeling much better AND I didn’t have to work. So I went shopping. I’m so glad that George Washington* did important stuff like beating the British, because it meant 40% off at GAP. Of course, due to my refusal to try anything on while in store, I now have to go return most of what I bought, but I am still satisfied with my indulgences.

I also spent part of Monday fretting about all I had to do when I got back to work. This, as usual, proved unnecessary because I got everything done before lunch.  There is nothing of interest on the job posts front today. It’s frustrating that the position at Coveted-Organization is still posted and it’s tempting to just send in a second application. I’m fairly sure they use an automated screening system.

It is also frustrating that Libertarian-Fellowship is still accepting applications, which means they haven’t filled their slots, which adds more WTF-ery to my rejection.

In other news, I don’t care about the Olympics.  I have also been zoning out on politics/the news in general the past week or so. Not that there was much happening since THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CAN’T FUNCTION WHEN IT SNOWS**, but I really should pay more attention, in general. Especially if I’m going to actively participate in Campaign for Liberty. Which is unlikely, but you never know .

I’m just unmotivated. I really want to write about some of the day to day-ities of work, but blogging about work in anymore detail than I already do just seems like a bad idea. It isn’t that I’m doing anything wrong or that I want to complain about my boss,*** but airing frustrations about a job that pays, and pays you well in a public forum is  a bad idea.

I know having yesterday off should make for a “short week” but the slowness of today is a bad sign.

*Presidents Day is obviously in between Lincoln & Washington’s birthday, but I believe I heard some bit of trivia somewhere that the official federal holiday is Washington’s birthday.  I have not verified this at all because I am lazy

**I am okay with the federal government not functioning

***My boss is actually pretty awesome. Still, paranoia = healthy.

I’ll share all the exciting details about that which brought The Fret on Monday. Because by then it will likely be a case of “all’s well that ends well” (I hope).

For now, I will just say:

…that even though I was at work until 8:00 PM on Friday night, waiting for Important Documents that didn’t show up…

…and even though I checked my work email about 100x today…

…and even though I got woken up by a work related phone call at an absurdly early hour…

…and even though, the past few weeks (really, since the holidays) work has been filled with crankiness…

This situation has made me once again absurdly grateful that it is taking place at my Current Job and not The-Job-That-Wasn’t.

Were the same situation playing out at The-Job-That-Wasn’t, well, first of all, I wouldn’t know how to handle it, because I wouldn’t have been given any information in the first place – I would have been expected to just do it all myself. But if this was happening at The-Job-That-Wasn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to eat or sleep this weekend, and my Former-Important-Boss definitely would NOT have been able to see any humor in the situation (because seriously? It’s Pieces of Paper that have to be signed by Important People. And we’re driving ourselves CRAZY over it. I mean, obviously there are reasons why this has to be done, but it’s not like life or death).

Instead, after being woken up at an absurdly early hour, I had coffee and did some reading. And checked my email. And then I went out for lunch and shopping and singing in my car. And tonight I broke out the Buffy DVDs (shut up) and also talked to Keithers. And yes, I checked my email about 100 times.

But I’m not afraid to walk into work on Monday morning and I won’t have to spend half the day with my head down, hiding my tears or terrified facial expressions. (Former-Important-Boss made me cry several times a week and towards the end all the stress and worry and horribleness had just built up and built up and it didn’t take much to set me off anyway.)

So although it seems strange to find gratitude in a ridiculous work situation, it’s there. Because I am capable of getting Important Documents signed, I’m having a decent weekend, and my boss isn’t going to make me cry on Monday morning.

And somehow, that never gets old.

I finished the West Wing last night, and got depressed, because in general I find Series Finale’s terribly depressing, and this one particularly so, because it’s all about endings and change, and I deal with neither very well, apparently. And also, Josh and Donna melted my heart, and yet makes me sad in the way Dawson’s Creek used to make me sad when I was 15.

I am apparently jealous of the alleged emotions of tv characters.

So, it’s back to work and I’m drinking tea instead of my second cup of coffee, because it’s the New Year and I really should cut back on my coffee consumption.  I’m debating job hunting tactics with David and catching up on my filing.  I was irritated by 8:30.  I have a to-do list for January that contains nothing difficult but already looks intimidating. I would really like to lose 10 pounds (at least) but that requires a gym and getting over my gym phobia.

Sigh. My wish for 2010 is to be more social, the fulfillment of which is severely limited by my current suburban-circumstances.

My commute to work was foiled by a whopping 3 inches of snow, timed just so, that it completely fucked up the commute. Ninety minutes into what should be a twenty five minute drive, I gave up and turned around. Somewhere in there is a metaphor for 2009.

So I’m home with the cat and some coffee and my laptop and that’s about the extent of what I have planned for the entire day/evening.

Happy New Year Blogosphere.

Given that I spent 8.5 months not driving, it seems completely wrong to complain that I get to start driving again JUST IN TIME for there to be snow and ice to clean off my car and slippery roads to contend with. So I’m not complaining, I’m merely observing the timing.

I can’t believe it is December and that it is almost 2010. I know I say that every year. In some ways this is the opposite of 2007. In 2007, a lot of objectively good things happened. I finished my MA program early, like I had wanted to, I moved back to NYC, like I had wanted to, I got The-Job-That-Wasn’t, like I wanted to. And I was miserable, and it was a horrible year. This year some bad things have happened, and I have been cooped up in my parent’s house for most of it. Objectively, it’s been static. I’m no closer to a social life or a love life than I was at this time last year.

And while I wouldn’t call it a “good” year, it’s been a better year. Better than 2007 or 2008, certainly, which were the worst of years.  So that is certainly something.

My feet are killing me from walking around the city in high heeled, pointy-toed boots. Michael was late meeting me, so I killed time by wandering around Union Square. I’d forgotten about the Union Square market, that makes the area even more of a people-traffic nightmare.

But anyway, Michael finally arrived, we got delicious Indian food, walked down by the Brooklyn Bridge (at his request. It was ridiculously windy and also boots not meant for walking) and got coffee. We were already in Tribeca, so I decided to just find the WTC PATH station. It seems to have lost the spell of HWSNBN. However, I had also forgotten that the PATH weekend service has been cut even MORE if that were possibly. It’s incredibly inconvenient to get to Hoboken Train Station from WTC on a weekend. I hate the PATH.

Also, taking the train in/out of the city is the only time I buy semi-trashy magazines anymore because even though they are the exact same thing as when I was 16,  they keep me from throwing murderous gazes at parents who let their little children SHRIEK the entire train ride.

November needs to end, so I can stop writing about the first thing that comes into my head, and actually have a chance to write something decent.

I’ve been up for almost two hours, but I’m still groggy from the Benadryll, probably, even though I only took one. I don’t know how my body can handle a super powerful anti-anxiety drug that knocks me the hell out (I don’t take it every night) but can’t recover from Benadryll.

Writing about work on a blog that could be discovered is a surefire way to get yourself in trouble, so I will just say that it was a trying week and yesterday was a bad afternoon. I know where its coming from – everyone is dealing with unreasonable demands and ridiculous deadlines. It’s not going to get any better anytime soon though, so it doesn’t seem worth delving into.

I’ve given myself an assignment to get caught up on general foreign policy news this weekend, because my knowledge is general and out dated. On one hand – I work full time, and while I don’t have much else going on right now, the Libertarian Fellowship people don’t know that, so I think it should be understandable that I don’t have the same level of knowledge about current events as someone who works in the think tank field. On the other, logic is hardly ever a factor in these things, so I better study up.

I really hate having to say “the war on terror” when I talk about my interests, because everyone is sick of the war on terror. People were sick of the war on terror two and a half years ago when I was writing my thesis. I didn’t even want to GO there, but Carl Schmitt, that rapscallion, he made it impossible not to. And I think that my work, and the work that I want to do is valid, and relevant, and hell, even important, but using the phrase “war on terror” seems to cheapen it. It seems dated. But I don’t know what other name to give to the general, overall U.S. strategy/foreign policy stance(s) in the post-September 11th era (another reference that I am loathe to make. I don’t think the event should have changed out policies like it did, but that’s another rant altogether.)

My cat is curled up at the end of my bed, fast asleep. He seems to have the right idea.

I’ve started about 5 different blog entries today on 5 completely different trains of thought.

But the day was insane (mostly a good kind of insane, until the very end).

(Also I am annoyed at my rampant consumerism being foiled by Shipping Fail. I am more annoyed by this then I rightly should be, but I think it is compounded by the fact that Online Shopping is currently my only option and I do not have the luxury of simply driving 10 minutes to a indulge my inner Capitalist Fan Girl ((Also, WHERE IS MY LETTER, STATE OF NEW JERSEY))

So the day did not have my ideal end, but these are total bourgoise complaints, but it’s NaBloPoMo, so I can use this to fill up space.

The only thing on my mind is the Libertarian Fellowship. All I have been doing it reloading my email and angsting to my friends via email about it. I said to Brent yesterday “I really have nothing to say that isn’t obsessing over the libertarians. I am completely uninteresting in that respect. (waits for you to point out that this is actually in all respects)”

And that about sums it up.

Oh, and when I remember, I’m also worrying about the fact that I haven’t heard from the bureaucracy of the State of NJ regarding my license.

I am falling back into my old habit of not being able to accomplish anything else, think about anything else, etc, etc until that which I am worrying about is resolved. It’s an issue that I have been trying to work on for years, and I’ve gotten better, but this is a pretty big test of my patience and resolve and I am failing somewhat miserably.

At least my closet is clean. And my hair has looked good all week thanks to my new magic hair straightener. And I will soon have more clothes than I know what to do with (via my anxiety induced shopping spree). And I’m smashing my high scores on Wordtwist.

Still waiting for news, obviously, and the longer I don’t hear the less optimistic I am. There is no logic that I could introduce to the equation that would make me feel any better/more positive about this. It is not a rational thought process.

I am irritable. Truly, madly, deeply.

First, the ATM is still not working. Logic should dictate that I simply go to another ATM, but the whole “I can’t drive” thing sort of puts a damper on my freedom, even the freedom to merely search out an ATM.

Secondly, one of our departments has a new girl,  who is just inventing these new procedures/rules and totally screwing up my invoice processing. This should be a very, very simple task from start to finish, but there are constantly like, 87 new people involved, asking questions and making things complicated.

It’s also raining, so the bottom of my jeans are wet. And my crazy carpool lady cannot drive on Friday (after not driving yesterday) and she is going on and on about her dental issues and it’s like “Shut up lady, it’s 8:00 am, get over your fucking teeth and drive the car.” And I could work overtime on Thursday due to a major quarterly project, but probably can’t do it because of driving situation. There are four more weeks of this nonsense, but that’s if and only if the bureaucracy of the State of New Jersey has worked itself out correctly, and that is a big fucking “If.”

And I have meetings I have to go to tonight and tomorrow night, and I woke up dreading the one tonight (and that’s the lesser of two evils one). I fucking HATE, HATE, HATE the Wednesday one, to the point where walking out of there at 10:05 PM is the best part of my week because it means I don’t have to go back for another week. And since I’ve skipped the Tuesday one the past two weeks, I REALLY have to go, and it’s somehow harder to force myself to these things after an absence.

I know I say I just want to know about the phone interview one way or another (and I know all of you are entirely sick of hearing about this, but so is everyone else in my real life) but I’m going to be crushed if it’s a “no.” I’m going to be even more crushed if come Friday, I don’t hear anything because, as I mentioned yesterday, I won’t be able to stop myself from hoping about the off chance that I wound up in the wrong application pool. But seriously, if my application was so bad that I don’t even warrant a phone interview? Forget the 8% acceptance rate – I’m going to be crushed.

So when you combine this with the little irritating things, you have a Rachel who is not quite fit for human contact. And of course this is the week that I have to be a happy little worker bee at work because its quarterly report time!

For all my complaining lately that my 09-09-09 prediction/pact with Keith was not coming to fruition, today was a pretty lucky day.

I figured there was something wacky going on with jury service, because of the message last night, and there were probably 300 people there for jury duty. I don’t think this is the norm because there were definitely not enough seats in the juror room.

Anyway, I was getting really worried because the trials they were selecting for were all cases that were set to last for over a month  This would be really, really inconvenient, plus my company pays for a maximum of 3 days Jury Duty. Plus I actually like my job and have Things That Need To Get Done at my job, and being out 3 times a week for 2 months would be really, really annoying.

I tried for the “financial hardship” excuse because I think being forced to live on an extremely reduced salary for months should count. But I’m single and without dependents, so I didn’t meet the threshold.

So it was back to the jury pool, a lot of waiting, and a lot of anxiety. When my group was called down to the judges chambers my heart was pounding.

And then I heard what the case was about, and got really excited, because it was completely relevant to my line of work. The case itself was not something I would have anything more than a cursory understanding of, but I knew I could spin my job to make it look as if I would understand the intricacies of the dispute.

Turned out I didn’t need to. I got asked two questions regarding my occupation and as soon as the second answer was out of my mouth they dismissed me. I did not even have to exaggerate.

Now it’s back to work tomorrow, to worry away the rest of the week. I have a headache from reading all day, and also from reading on the bus home for over an hour. But I did get through 3 chicklit novels of varying awfulness, so there’s that.

I started a post last night about how I really didn’t want to go back to work and how I was having this Pavlonian-esque response to Labor Day. My stomach was in knots and I was filled with just this dread that one feels the night before school starts. And I liked school, for the most part!

But anyway, I didn’t finish it, because whining is unattractive and to save myself from future cringing and deleting, I stopped writing. Also, laziness.

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After having a screwy day on Monday, I was terrified when my boss called me into his office and shut the door yesterday afternoon. (Residual effect of The-Job-That-Wasn’t, I believe)

Then he posed a grammar question to me, and we debated it for a minute, and he said “Well, we’ll keep this for now, but think about it.”

So I did. I also posed the question to the Libertarians, because the people there are equally dorky and it of course sparked a conversation about grammar-things. Which led to a conversation about how good grammar is an attractive quality and bad grammar is a Deal Breaker.

As for the grammar question itself, I came up with the right answer, and the evidence to back it up and I think my changes are being accepted.

Of course, in posting the question online, I managed to make a grammatical error because that’s how these things go.

And of course, grammar was a favorite topic between O-L-B and I. Of course.