I had an epiphany on Monday night regarding my somewhat newfound vehement desire to move to DC: I blame the West Wing. In a very short period of time, I watched all seven seasons of the West Wing (which I had never seen before) and became obsessed. My history shows that I am an EXTREMELY suggestible person. This can be seen as both good and bad. On one hand, DC is the best place for me, career wise (if I can ever get a freaking job) and I have always known this. However, I have discounted DC because I didn’t “like” DC (translation: it’s not NYC). And it’s true, I still might have some lukewarm feelings for DC itself. Therefore, West Wing has helped me to have a more positive view of my potential future city.

On the other hand, I just shouldn’t be so fucking suggestible.

Even when I’m having these thoughts, I know that by the light of day I can attack them on several fronts. But that doesn’t stop the feelings of regret that bubble up at 1 AM. And then it’s 9:30 in the morning and I’m sitting at work texting with Michael, thinking that maybe I should go get another Master’s degree, to make up for the way I screwed myself out of opportunities with the first one. But as my aforementioned thinking of the college experience shows, in order to feel that I was truly rectifying past mistakes, I’d have to do college over.

See what I mean about this type of thinking being entirely unhelpful?

I know this, and yet sometimes it is still there, and denying that it’s still there dosen’t seem to be particularly helpful either.

I have always been the type to want to take back the past. Even when I was young, as far back as 4th or 5th grade, the things I wished for most vehemently were do-overs.  I used to be far more myopic, part of me convinced that the only way to avenge the old me would be to invent a time machine. Now there’s a part of me which manages to see that the best “revenge” is to live a good life.

But it’s still possible to get tangled up in the possibilites for a good life, or a better life that could have been, had I not done X, or if I had only chosen Y.

It’s too early in the week to be this much of a downer. I have no energy or motivation on the job application front. The enthusiasm with which I attacked Federal Job applications last month seems to have waned. Perhaps it’s another sign that I should not be frentically applying for jobs that I’m not thrilled with the prospect of, but for some of them, all I see is dollar signs, and really, there are worse reasons to do things. But I’m staring at pages of “multiple choice and explain your answer” questions on my experience communicating and scheduling and administrating and while I do have all the requisite experience and can give the clear examples they’re looking for, my motivation to write those perfectly worded explanations of my ability to be a glorified secretary is just not there.

I’d say the only thing I need is a break from the job applications, but I barely did anything last week and this week is going to be equally busy and I can’t get a job if I don’t apply and it’s already a week into March and I’m not closer than I was at the beginning of January.

And then I get this notice about bills that are overdue (at work. Not my own personal bills) from this vendor that keeps screwing up and it just sets off the annoyance.

I know I need patience and gratitude, among other things, but it’s 9:45 on a Monday morning and it’s not happening right now.

The fact that I am writing about West Wing fan fiction depressing me should theoretically depress me (in terms of That Is Pathetic) but I am so past the point of caring by now. Does that count as self acceptance? I’m going to go with yes. I read West Wing fan fiction people. I also still read Law & Order SVU fan fiction, although I am not as obsessed as I once was. And when I was 15-16 I was ADDICTED to Dawson’s Creek fan fiction.

This weekend was a total wash. Friday night I was tired to the point of not being able to sleep. Then on Saturday libertarian-esque meeting for Saturday was cancelled. And then the Canadian Libertarian was not around on Saturday night.

I did get laundry done and I did, finally-finally, make it to the gym.

But my mom is annoyed with me for the dumbest reason ever (involving me not getting a text message because I didn’t have my phone with me at that exact second and therefore not replying to her text message), I have to be at work early tomorrow and I feel like I STILL didn’t get enough sleep this weekend, and I didn’t get anything done on the job application front this past week. So I’m wound up and frustrated and I really don’t want to go to work tomorrow.

]]> http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2010/03/07/how-can-i-be-cranky-when-the-week-hasnt-started-yet/feed/ 0 http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2010/03/05/coffee-is-not-working/ http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2010/03/05/coffee-is-not-working/#comments Fri, 05 Mar 2010 17:42:28 +0000 Rachel Not Rebecca http://rachelnotrebecca.com/?p=6619 I am stupid tired. I haven’t been sleeping well this week. Even last night, when I was quite tired, I just could not get comfortable and was awake until 2-something.  I have been a bit moody this week. And yesterday, I resorted to theatrics in order to get my way with a Customer Support Person (tactic: wait until you get a male on the phone. Pretend to cry and talk about how this is for your boss, and you screwed it up and he’s going to be MAD and please, isn’t there a way we could…?).

It worked and I was pleased with myself and that was probably the only fun thing I did all day.

This weekend, there is the county meeting of the liberty-oriented political group. I have been looking forward to this, but right now I am so tired that I can’t even think about it.  I will definitely go and it will definitely good to get out and also be around smart, motivated people who are interested in working towards similiar ends. Oh, the meeting will be 95% male. I’ve joked before that one of the reasons I’m a libertarian is for the guys. I’m only half kidding. Maybe only even a quarter kidding. I mean, I was a libertarian first, and then I found out that almost the entire movement is male.

Evidence of my sleepiness: I opened a new browser window to do…something. In the seconds it took to open I forgot what I’d opened it for.  Oh yeah; bank balance! My bonus for the 2 half of 2009 was deposited. It’s a teeny-tiny bonus (and no raise, even though I am now doing the job of 3 people) but I suppose I should insert the requisite line about being grateful that there’s any bonus in this economy. Etc.

Now I’m trying to decide if I should make an extra car payment or funnel it towards the just opened “Moving Fund.” Emergency Fund is doing quite well and will be completely funded when I get my tax refund. But I am indecisive as to what to do next. I need a solid fund for moving (apartment deposit, first month/last month rent, sundry expenses) and a car fund (insurance hike, repairs) but I’m also wondering about opening a Roth IRA. I already have a 401(k) through work, that I contribute to and my employer matches.

This is really too much thought to give to such a small amount of money, but it is unexpected money (I didn’t think the company was giving bonuses this year) and so I am pondering. Six months ago this probably wouldn’t have struck me, but I’ve gotten really into reading Personal Finance blogs.

I can go home in about 4.5 hours. It took me way longer than it should have to calculate that I can go home in 4.5 hours. I need a nap.

So I’ve been on a big Bon Jovi kick lately. Not classic Bon Jovi. Post-”Crush” Bon Jovi, which is cheesy in a completely different way than his more famous ballads. I was driving around aimlessly on Sunday, and I discovered the song “One Step Closer,” which, when I’m in a good mood (as I was on Sunday) I think is apt for the way I have handled the past year. It’s a pretty little song.

I thought maybe I should apologize for over identification with the lyrics of a Bon Jovi song, but then I decided that I’m not sorry. In fact, I went through a period where I could not even listen to happy/positive music because I was so depressed that it would depress me further, simply because I couldn’t identify with the words and knew it.

Now, most people would link you to a YouTube video instead of just the lyrics. But I hate YouTube. I have no patience for it. If you send me a link to a video 99.9% of the time, I won’t click. Don’t take it personally; I also hate it when top stories on CNN et al. are VIDEOS.  I do not want to hear someone talk about the news item in question; I want to READ about it. 

I realize this is a pretty old-fashioned attitude, akin to complaining about those kids and their text messaging. Yes, I know that beyond the stupid content at YouTube, there’s probably a lot of good stuff too. I just don’t have the patience to wade ande I dont have the patience to wait for your link to load. Sorry.

In other news; I lost the “receipt” from the car I bought last year. You know, the thing you get at the dealership that breaks down the cost and the exact amount of tax. Which is a number I need for my taxes. I called the dealership already, who told me to go the bank that financed my loan. Now, I HAVE that information, but even with the breakdown of registration fee, etc, my calculations still come out wrong. Realistically, the most I’ll be off on an estimate of the tax I paid on the car is like $20, but the IRS makes me paranoid.

This is completely typical of me. I lose important pieces of paper because I have almost everything online and therefore to not save phyiscal copies of credit card/bank statements, etc. But the piece of paper, that this boy wrote me a note on in college? That I have.

(1) I worked from home on Thursday, because it was set to snow all day, and both my bosses have the attitude “It’s way more important for you to be safe than anything that’s going on in the office.” Sadly, many bosses do not have this attitude, so I appreciate it.

(2) The power went out on Thursday night and Friday, it was still snowing and I couldn’t get to work. And I obviously couldn’t work from home, because the power was out. My boss was totally understanding.

(3) I went to family friend’s house on Friday night, for dinner. They are my parent’s best friends and I grew up with their kids, and they are basically some of the best people in the world.

(4) I flirted with a Libertarian from Canada who I have never met IRL, and probably never will, on Facebook chat last night, for the second Saturday in a row. No, I have no shame. Why do you ask?

(5) I talked to Lisa last night about anniversaries, pathetic Saturday nights, and comparing yourself to people you graduated with. There is something truly comforting about the people who know all your flaws and still love you.

Not-So-Good-Things

(1) No power.

(2) A Research Associate application I put together could have been better. Why did I not do more quantitative research in grad school?

(3) General laziness.

More details to follow. Monday I’ll likely be very busy at work, due to not being in the office on Thursday/Friday, but after that I have to write about these things, and also how Jon Bon Jovi is one of the wisest men in the world.

Just-In-Case, was of course, not there this Monday. Typical. At least my hair still looks pretty today.

The days are dragging this week. I feel like Toni Collette in Clockwatchers, which is a wonderful and very underrated little film. The movie was made in 1997, so while the internet existed (we had it at my house. My family had internet before Al Gore, probably) it certainly hadn’t infiltrated every aspect of the workplace like it does today. There’s one line in it

Sometimes it hits you how quickly the present fades into the past, and you question everything around you. You wonder if anything you’d ever do would matter.

Which pretty much sums up what I feel some days. I was driving to work this morning and it’s already almost March. 2009 was the year of Just Surviving. Last March, I said that I knew it was going to be hard, that “this year” was going to be really, really, really hard but that I would get through it. And now I have, and it’s like “ok, what next?” and while I clearly have some ideas of what I want for “what’s next,” the present is speeding away as I try to make the future happen.

This is quickly veering towards angsty-existential crises territory, where it seems to go a lot these days. I think back on when I was temping, at this time, five years ago. Sure I’m older and wiser, but I am so jealous of my 22 year old self sometimes. And then I remember what it was like trying to get a job just out of college, practically having to beg someone to give me a chance, and well no, I’m not jealous of that, but then again, is it really that different from what I’m doing now? That I’m offering to answer phones and make copies for an abysmal salary just so I can finally work somewhere that I feel relevant?

That was a major run on sentence.

I guess part of it is that deep down there is still this fear, that maybe This Is It. That all I am ever going to be is a glorified secretary. And while that’s not the worst of fates (or pays) it’s certainly not what I ever wanted or imagined for myself. Maybe I just Don’t Have What It Takes. To do what, exactly, I’m not sure, but for now I use the sentiment broadly. It seems entirely possible that it isn’t going to matter how many carefully crafted cover letters I send out or how smart I am, or how capable I am of doing any of these jobs; I might never get one because of all that is still missing from my resume. And maybe, it’s missing from my resume, not because I choose wrong or differently, but because I am just not the type of person who saw those chances, or opportunities in the first place. David is always pointed out that every ponderance of “what would have been if I had taken another path” requires you to question whether you, being the type of person you are, could have done anything different anyway.

This started out as a lighthearted post. I swear.

It’s funny how doubt hides itself. It follows behind you. It waits in every corner. You never see it coming. But you feel it, on the inside. Maybe it was just that office. Or maybe it was bigger than that, it was all around. A million eyes. Watching. Judging. The whole wide world even. You feel so small.

-Clockwatchers

I’m busy playing “hurry up and wait” with some things at work that are making me feel as if I don’t have it together and I’m not on top of things. I hate that. It is also causing me to be weirdly procrastinate-y with both stuff here and job applications stuff. Did I mention I’m tired and had nightmares about Jason Voorhees (of Friday the 13th fame) last night?

At least it’s Friday. I will try to restrain from whining/fretting about the laundry I have to do and the errands I must run and the gym I AM GOING TO GO TO DAMNIT (I have Milly now, as reinforcement). Of course, by informing you of that (alleged) restrain, I have in fact whined/fretted.

I want to see the movie Valentine’s Day, because it is supposed to be similar to Love, Actually. No one will see it with me, and I rarely go to the movie anyway, (In fact, the last thing I saw in the theaters was the Friday the 13th remake that came out last February – perhaps that’s why I have Jason Voorhees on the brain) but maybe I’ll just go by myself this weekend. Mm, movie popcorn with delicious artificial butter.

Speaking of movies, my Younger-Wiser-Sibling (who clearly has too much time on his hands. Oh to have the musicians lifestyle) started bombarding me with text messages/emails about the movie Armaggedon. Yes, the Bruce Willis movie about the giant asteroid. (I love that movie!) I have posted it below for my own entertainment. Perhaps, you too will find it funny (unlikely). More likely, you just think it is lunacy and don’t get why I am cracking up over it. If, however, it makes sense to you AND you think it’s funny, than you, are perhaps my soulmate/new best friend.

Deep Thoughts on Armaggedon (The Movie) – by Rachel’s Younger-Wiser-Sibling

I was watching armageddon and it struck me how the president of the USA was giving a speech to the entire world, and he said “I’m not the President, or the leader of a major country, but a citizen of the world”, and it was and odd thing to say given how amero-centric the response to the catastrophe was then I started thinking about how that blithe ignorance of the unilateral v. multinational split in american politics could only happen pre-9/11.

Also, the shuttles are named the Freedom and Independence — as if the asteroid is an evil threat to america — as opposed to something that is going to blow up the entire world.

It’s sort of like when Liv Tyler starts crying when they think that both shuttles blew up and everything failed — not because that means the world (her life and everyone else’s life included) is going to end in 12 hours but because that means Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis are dead.

For instance, what would Obama think about the way we responded to the asteroid, without even consulting other countries or asking the UN if it would be okay to use a nuke? I also assume that we were the only country who knew about it (aside from Russia, of course, but only because they were helping with refueling from the space station), and that they took great care to make sure that no other countries found out about that. I cannot imagine the EU being very happy to learn that the American government is hiding apocolyptic secrets from the rest of the world on the grounds that it ‘knows better’ than everyone else and all that

Also, I forgot to mention that the whole film was probably co-funded by the NASA lobby and the nuclear research/arms lobby.

]]> http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2010/02/19/harry-the-clock-on-that-nine-foot-nuclear-weapon-is-ticking/feed/ 2 http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2010/02/17/shes-a-highly-specialized-key-component-of-operational-unity/ http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2010/02/17/shes-a-highly-specialized-key-component-of-operational-unity/#comments Wed, 17 Feb 2010 16:57:50 +0000 Rachel Not Rebecca http://rachelnotrebecca.com/?p=6595

.

Points if you get where my post title is from without googling.

I feel the need to clarify something from yesterdays post (she says, defensively). Much of my woe is coming from the fact that I can’t even get an admin assistant position in the field that I want to be in. Two commenters pointed out that this is the way to go if I’m serious about DC (and they are right) but I have applied for admin positions at every foreign policy, or foreign policy related think tank in DC.  As well as various other interesting places.

There are a number of places where I want to work where I don’t care what the job is – I just want to work there! These positions pay about half of what I’m making now, but I’d manage. Someone just has to hire me first. My fear is that in order to move to DC I’ll have to take another legal assistant job (or worse) which isn’t really my field and I’ll just get trapped in it because all my experience on paper is in it.

The other thing V and I were lamenting is “entry level” is both a misnomer and a double-edged sword. For example, these positions will claim to be “entry level” and they will pay entry level wages, but then they will ask for three years experience and in the end it’s basically an admin position. On the other end,  I have been viewed as “too experienced” for entry level. The number of times my snobby Masters degree has raised the eyebrows (and not in a good way) of the hiring person is astounding. They question why I’m applying to an “assistant” position and they question why I’ve been working in as an assistant.

Existential crises aside, do these people not understand having bills to pay? I’ve been at my current job for a year and a half. A year and a half ago, I was running out of unemployment and I couldn’t afford to shop around for the perfect job. Now that I’ve built up some savings (and I have the luxury of looking while employed) I can be choosier. But my experience, particularly my type of experience, is generally looked down upon.

I know that this all sounds defeatist and terribly know-it-all-ish. Who am I to claim that I know the workings of a hiring manager’s mind? I could be projecting, right? Thing is, I truly feel I’m being pragmatic and realistic with all of the above, and that if I let myself think otherwise then I’m being delusional.

Which perhaps is another puzzle. I believe I experienced this when I was job hunting immediately post-college. That is when I was interviewing for every receptionist/assistant position in NYC. Including one at a glue factory way the hell out in Brooklyn (seriously, it was a looooong ride on the R train) staffed solely by Orthodox Jew.

That was an awkward interview.

On the plus side I put $500 in my savings account this paycheck. On the negative side, I spent an obscene amount of money on clothing. On the plus side, I will be returning a large percentage of it, so no harm done. Mostly.

Now, to get a job in DC, so I have a place to wear all my cute clothes. Suburban Jersey + no dress code at work means I’m wearing jeans and plain sweaters everywhere.

]]> http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2010/02/17/shes-a-highly-specialized-key-component-of-operational-unity/feed/ 5 http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2010/02/17/dream-medium/ http://rachelnotrebecca.com/2010/02/17/dream-medium/#comments Wed, 17 Feb 2010 14:18:45 +0000 Rachel Not Rebecca http://rachelnotrebecca.com/?p=6593 One of the main reasons I haven’t wanted to get all angsty about the Great-DC-Job-Search (other than the fact that whining is not an attractive quality) is that I don’t want to listen to people tell me that I’m being fatalistic, or that I CAN do it, or making suggestions about what I should try.

Here are the facts: I never had a fancy (unpaid) DC internship when I was in college. I could have one summer, but it would have involved paying for houses and not making any money. I chose instead to go home for the summer and work. There were lots of factors involved in that decision, and at the time, I wouldn’t have been happy in DC, but I am paying for it now. I have NO DC experience, and this is somehow relevant even for non-Hill jobs (I don’t want to work on the Hill). The Libertarian Fellowship was so important to me because it was a back door into DC. A shortcut, so to speak. I knew that the chances of me getting a job in DC the old-fashioned way were/are very slim and that that fellowship would have given me an in.

The other thing is the type of experience I have. I have a Masters degree from a very good university, where I also worekd as a research assistant. But my resume also evidences that I’ve been a glorified (and at times, not even glorified) secretary since college. I was lamenting this with Virginia, a girl who graduated a year before me; job postings want you to have 3 years of experience, and the only experience you can get is admin work, and then that’s not good enough.

Do you know what I would have done, as an intern, in DC? I would have made copies and filed and answered phones. Yes, I recognize that location is everything and there’s more to it than just the clerical aspect. But I hate that that looks more important on paper than what I do now (and I do all those things and a whole hell of a lot more). I hate that my only option is a lateral move into another admin position – that that is my only hope of getting into DC, and that is still a small chance.

I don’t want to hear about how I just have to be patient and try and whatever (yes, I know I sound whiny) because these are not the off-the-cuff ramblings of a frustrated job searcher. These are just the facts. They are something that I have been painfully aware of for a long time. To an extent, this knowledge may have kept me from job hunting in DC in the past – fear of rejection/failure and all. I know the odds and they are not good. Add in the recession and they slip to sub-zero.

So I don’ t exactly know what to do. My motivation is sapped. Writing another cheery cover letter makes me want to stab my eyes out. I know that everyone searching for a job must feel the same way. It’s a disheartening process, to see these jobs that I would be perfect for and not get a resposne to my carefully crafted applications. And then I read the barrage of job hunting advice that’s on the internet about networking and promoting yourself and finding your job through twitter (and how you’ll never find a job the traditional way, not in this world) and it’s even more confusing about what to do.  What am I supposed to do? Blog incessently on my RealName wordpress account (I don’t use it, I just snatched up the name) about the places I want to work and why they should hire me? Because I do have 2-3 places in mind that I would LOVE to work.

I don’t know. I know that my frustrations are the same as almost everyone going through the job hunt. But I feel so trapped. I feel that the decisions I made five years ago are haunting me now and that this is my life. A future something great destined to spend her life answering phones and ordering office supplies. I like my job and for the most part I do way more than that, and there is nothing inherently wrong with those things.

But I want to be something other than a glorified secretary. I don’t want to have to answer someone else’s phone. That’s my dream. Right there.

I also spent part of Monday fretting about all I had to do when I got back to work. This, as usual, proved unnecessary because I got everything done before lunch.  There is nothing of interest on the job posts front today. It’s frustrating that the position at Coveted-Organization is still posted and it’s tempting to just send in a second application. I’m fairly sure they use an automated screening system.

It is also frustrating that Libertarian-Fellowship is still accepting applications, which means they haven’t filled their slots, which adds more WTF-ery to my rejection.

In other news, I don’t care about the Olympics.  I have also been zoning out on politics/the news in general the past week or so. Not that there was much happening since THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CAN’T FUNCTION WHEN IT SNOWS**, but I really should pay more attention, in general. Especially if I’m going to actively participate in Campaign for Liberty. Which is unlikely, but you never know .

I’m just unmotivated. I really want to write about some of the day to day-ities of work, but blogging about work in anymore detail than I already do just seems like a bad idea. It isn’t that I’m doing anything wrong or that I want to complain about my boss,*** but airing frustrations about a job that pays, and pays you well in a public forum is  a bad idea.

I know having yesterday off should make for a “short week” but the slowness of today is a bad sign.

*Presidents Day is obviously in between Lincoln & Washington’s birthday, but I believe I heard some bit of trivia somewhere that the official federal holiday is Washington’s birthday.  I have not verified this at all because I am lazy

**I am okay with the federal government not functioning

***My boss is actually pretty awesome. Still, paranoia = healthy.

Long weekend coming up – longer if I decide to take a sick day tomorrow, which considering the number of tissues I’ve gone through today, might be wise. I realized too late that this would have been a good weekend to visit Michael & Keithers in DC. Then again, DC is still a mess due to “Snow-pocalypse.” Maybe in mid-March. I definitely have the vacation days saved. 

In theory, I would like to use my vacation days to do something exciting. But I am the least spontaneous person I know. And while I’d like to go somewhere in Europe, I don’t have anyone to go with. So it is yet another thing that gets put on the “someday” category.  Right now I am focused on building up my savings, both for an emergency fund and a moving fund. I’m doing pretty well on the emergency fund. I should really get my ass into gear on the moving fund.

I’m feeling pretty brain dead today. Work-related reasons, cold related reasons. I need to get better so I can actually finally accomplish my goal of joining/going to a gym this weekend. There’s a 50/50 chance!

The fretting began around 6:00 PM on Thursday. Now, before I get into the rest of this entry, I must emphasize that my anxiety levels IN GENERAL have been at a lifetime low since I got my started getting my head together about a year ago. However, there are certain things that just Bring the Fret, and this particular work situation was/is one of them.

Basically, the story was that we need Signed Documents from four Important People in hand by 9:00 AM on Monday. Documents that, as of Friday, were still not in final form. My boss was understandably concerned, and also tired, since you know, he was the one who wrote the actual things. I am merely She Who Handles Logistics.

Friday morning began with computer malfunctions, schedules changes for Important People, and predictions of a snow-pocalypse. The day was a long game of Hurry Up and Wait, punctuated with intense periods of carefully choreographing how to get the Documents in the hands of Important People and get scanned copies of the Signed Documents back to us.

Let’s just say I went without lunch, made very good friends with some random guy at a company in California (and I have no idea what his title is. He definitely was not just some random admin. I could have been harassing someone Important for all I know.)

Anyway, we had 2 Signed Documents back, and were expecting the 3rd and I was pretty proud of myself for choreographing it. The whole thing was kind of awesome, in a pathetic way. nd then the document we were expecting back late Friday never came. Enter Plan B. And Plan C.

And it turns out all the back-up Plans were for naught, because Important Person does not plan on returning the signed pages today. It must be nice to be that important. If the overtime I put in waiting for documents does not get approved I am going to flip out. Especially since I went on a Fret induced shopping trip this weekend.

The weekend was also way too short, and I didn’t go to the gym, and I don’t care about the Super Bowl and the Snow-pocalypse never came and I canceled a Saturday morning appointment for nothing.

Arg…Last week went by fairly quickly, and I’m afraid this week will be the opposite.

For now, I will just say:

…that even though I was at work until 8:00 PM on Friday night, waiting for Important Documents that didn’t show up…

…and even though I checked my work email about 100x today…

…and even though I got woken up by a work related phone call at an absurdly early hour…

…and even though, the past few weeks (really, since the holidays) work has been filled with crankiness…

This situation has made me once again absurdly grateful that it is taking place at my Current Job and not The-Job-That-Wasn’t.

Were the same situation playing out at The-Job-That-Wasn’t, well, first of all, I wouldn’t know how to handle it, because I wouldn’t have been given any information in the first place – I would have been expected to just do it all myself. But if this was happening at The-Job-That-Wasn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to eat or sleep this weekend, and my Former-Important-Boss definitely would NOT have been able to see any humor in the situation (because seriously? It’s Pieces of Paper that have to be signed by Important People. And we’re driving ourselves CRAZY over it. I mean, obviously there are reasons why this has to be done, but it’s not like life or death).

Instead, after being woken up at an absurdly early hour, I had coffee and did some reading. And checked my email. And then I went out for lunch and shopping and singing in my car. And tonight I broke out the Buffy DVDs (shut up) and also talked to Keithers. And yes, I checked my email about 100 times.

But I’m not afraid to walk into work on Monday morning and I won’t have to spend half the day with my head down, hiding my tears or terrified facial expressions. (Former-Important-Boss made me cry several times a week and towards the end all the stress and worry and horribleness had just built up and built up and it didn’t take much to set me off anyway.)

So although it seems strange to find gratitude in a ridiculous work situation, it’s there. Because I am capable of getting Important Documents signed, I’m having a decent weekend, and my boss isn’t going to make me cry on Monday morning.

And somehow, that never gets old.