I am on a northbound train to Jersey – I’m making a quick trip for Christmanukah.

I’m watching Love, Actually on my laptop. I’ve started this movie twice in the past week or so, and just never finished it. This is the perfect Xmas movie. And a perfect movie for me to watch when I’m spending the last couple weeks of 2011 high on life.

And of course, I’ve been walking around humming “All I Want For Christmas Is You” under my breath. It was during my last days at Skidmore that I became obsessed with this movie, and I played the song in my car constantly. One night I picked up Sebastian and I had it playing and he laughed at me saying “All YOU want for Christmas is HWSNBN.”

He was right, but I was in such good spirits, I couldn’t be bothered to be embarrassed.

This Christmas there is no one I am unrequitedly coveting. (though the “this is self preservation” scene, where Kiera Knightly realizes that Andrew Lincoln is totally, quietly, unrequitedly in love with her still gives me pause. And the “To me, you are perfect scene.” Because sometimes, in the throes of unrequitedness, the simple act of caring for someone has to be enough.)

Because for all the times in my life when I felt like my heart was breaking, I have never been sorry for caring about someone, even with my history of being misguided. I sign cards “With love” and say “love you muchly” before I get off the phone. It is, perish the phrase, a season of love.

So despite the cold, cynical parts of my heart, this year I will continue to embrace the warm fuzziness and use the season as an excuse to be a sap. I will forgive, and make amends, and love unapologetically.