Fact: Obsessively checking your email is unhealthy whether you are waiting for responses from boys or from jobs. I know I said in the past that maybe boys could at least distract me from the fruitless job search, but I think at the end of the day I just wind up double insane.
I am going to actually LEAVE THE OFFICE during my lunch break, because I don’t know, fresh air, or some such nonsense. But it never fails: I go out (and while this is, in sum, likely healthier than sitting in front of the computer for that hour) and am so disappointed to return to an empty inbox.
(I really need to get a life) ((I KNOW THAT! THAT IS WHAT I AM TRYING TO DO)) (I am talking to myself via parentheticals. Clearly progress is stalled)
Fact: I will never get a new job or a boyfriend.
And yes, I know that is entirely too fatalistic, and that if I were the type of blogger who had many readers, I would likely get a dozen comments about how that is not true. However, I will never, nor to I aspire to, be the type of blogger with a lot of readers (probaby because I have a bad attitude) and so when I make this statement, I am not fishing for comments but merely admitting to myself that that is what I feel (and fear). Putting it in words means that it is real, so I am loathe to do so, but there is it.
I am not supposed to fear; in fact, fear is supposed to be the enemy, the underlying source of all misery (that is what I have been told, over and over again). But it is there. I haven’t had one in person interview (other than the Libertarian fellowship) and in the past 6 months I’ve generally managed to be waiting on one possibility at almost all times. (It helped that one company took two months of interviewing to reject me). Now I am not waiting on any possibilities, I just have applications out that will not get responses. I am out of places to look. My network is quiet. I am back down to no leads, no prospects, and no hope.
As for boys, I haven’t been on a date in more than two years, if you can even call O-L-B a date, which is likely even more pathetic.
I’m going to go for a drive now, and try to resurrect the decent mood I was clinging on to this morning. Self pity is not a pretty color on me.
Says:
OMG I relate to you so much right now! Except I’m not even to the point of looking for a new job because I haven’t even updated my resume yet. I haven’t been on a real date in a while, either. I pretty much could have written this. Except I am Rebecca, not Rachel.
I hope the fresh air helped. I don’t go outside at lunch because I never want to come back in. I’d be MIA for the rest of the day if I’d gone for a drive.
June 15th, 2010 at 10:58 amSays:
I know how frustrating it is about looking for a job and I haven’t been on a proper date in much much longer!! It’s annoying but I know things will begin to look up for you!!! The summer is hard to get a job period. Maybe you should take a break from looking. Give yourself a rest. Start up again come the fall, more jobs will be posted! Good luck!!!!!
June 15th, 2010 at 11:18 amSays:
it helps to get all that stuff out. i know the feeling; i feel like i’m never going to get what i need in this world. it’s almost as if i can keep one part of my world in order, but the other parts disintegrate. the mere fact that you can cop to being scared and disenchanted means you’re not as bad off as you could be.
hope the drive helped.
June 15th, 2010 at 12:53 pm