While posting everyday is a NaBloPoMo requirement, on the flip side, it’s an excuse to post everyday. That means, I don’t have to come up with something especially witty or deep in order to justify throwing my words against the internets; I can hide behind the shield of “Sorry guys! I’m just doing this because I have to!”

I wrote that this morning. Now, eleven hour later, I have no idea where I was going with it. This is another weekend where I am impatient for Monday, because I am impatient for an answer. But I’m also scared of an answer. Because it might not be what I want to hear. And I may have already jinxed it. I know that it is absolutely ridiculous to speak of “jinxing” something; whether or not I mention the possibility will have no bearing on what the answer will be. And yet, there is a tiny part of me that wonders and worries about daring to send these thoughts into the universe, as if by acknowledging I’m thinking about it — and acknowledging I care — I’m tempting the universe to smack me back down.

Ridiculous. I know.

And also, there’s this other weird thing…Out of nowhere, I got a message a month or so ago, from someone I had been thinking of, for literally the first time in years. And I don’t know. It’s weird. It’s not anything. It’s not. Since I just put it into the universe, even a little, it’s nothing. My mind is just inclined to drift into “drama” because I’m bored, and sometimes I still like to pretend that life is like an episode of Dawson’s Creek. Now that the universe knows I’m thinking about the non-thing, I’m sure it will waste no time in showing me just how ridiculous I am.