I can’t concentrate. I couldn’t decide what to wear this morning. I haven’t eaten anything and though I haven’t had THAT much caffeine, I feel a case of caffeine induced nausea creeping up on me. So what do I do? Brew quadruple strong tea, pour it over ice, and sip.

I have been a slacker about reading/commenting the past couple weeks. This could be attributed to my self-centered obsession with the Libertarian Fellowship, or maybe it goes back to what I was writing a couple months ago, about how I don’t know if I can “do” this blogging thing. I still view bloggers who become BFFs through their blogs with a mixture of suspicion and awe. Are you really THAT good friends, or are you just putting on a show for the rest of the blogosphere? What is UP with the love-fest for some bloggers? I usually don’t get it. But then, I am always behind the trends. The suspicion could be brought on by jealousy that I am not in the popular crowd, but when have I ever? 20sb, from what I’ve seen, has a fairly insular inner circle of rock star bloggers who fall all over themselves to suck-up to each other.

God, I’m being a bitch. Defensive much?

I had a point I was going to make, but I forgot it. Anyway, I appreciate all the commenter support the past few weeks as I have angsted over the Fellowship, particularly because they lack sycophantry (I just made up that word). I hate being lied to. At this point, the last thing I want to hear is how awesome I am and how I’m sure to get this Fellowship. Because really, my qualifications don’t matter much. They got my foot in the door, for certain, but after that, it’s based on some fairly subjective interpretations. One of them being the extremely mediocre phone interview.

Joe told me not to worry too much, because what’s done is done, and if these people are going to reject me on the basis of a phone interview (which almost no one does well on) than I don’t want to waste my time with them anyway. That is a nice thought. I wish I were in the position to be so flippant, but at this point, I need this people. I want these people.

I should know more by Friday. Until then, its caffeine induced nausea and an unhealthy amount of unwarranted hope.