I should finish (start) the filing at work. (Filing is the opposite of life affirmation)

I should refamiliarize myself with major foreign policy issues, instead of just the sound bytes. (Just remember it’s foreignaffairs.org, not foreignaffairs.com)

I should organize my email and old invoices and a thousand other things (So I can go back to kicking ass & taking names at work.)

But mostly I just wait for another email in my inbox, another person’s new blog post, and for 5:30.

I should vacuum my room and change my sheets. (I’ve got to learn to not be so slovenly)

I should watch those West Wing DVDs. (I’ve always heard that I’d like the show)

But mostly, I just wait, for 10:00 PM on Wednesday, when the hard part of the week is finally over.

I should go to Midland one of these Saturday nights. (Maybe I’ll run into Scott the Libertarian again)

I should tag along with Katie one Friday night (Getting out of the house is allegedy healthy)

I should call Emily (Even though I think she tolerates my company about as much as I do hers)

But mostly I just wait for the end of November.

I should try again to make friends here. (Even though I like my version of the weekend. Lame, and sometimes lonely, but MINE)

I should try to wear all the new clothes that I’m acquiring. (Even though there’s no dress code, and only a dozen people left in my office)

I should try to mentally prepare myself for not even getting a phone inteview. (Especially since I suck on the phone, and even if I got one, there’s a chance I’d blow it anyway)

But mostly I just wait. For the email, telling me whether I have the phone interview or not, for a day when someone will actually see me in my cute clothes, and for the day that I get out of Jersey.

I can talk myself out of making plans for DC in June and look for jobs in New York, just in case, and I can make believe that I will have some semblence of a plan no matter what, but right now I can’t concentrate on a foreign affairs article, and I can’t drive to hang out with acquintences and leave when I please until I get my license back, and I can’t look for a job until I find out about the Fellowship.

So, mostly, I just wait.

I whittle away afternoons in two minute intervals (games of Wordtwist) and nights with SVU reruns, and buy clothes for the job I don’t have yet.

I wait.