I heard the news this weekend that Derek Jeter broke the record for all time hits by a Yankee. (More accurate: “a lot of people had the news about Jeter in their facebook status.”) My reaction was “Whatever. I hate Jeter.”
Now, I grew up in suburban New Jersey and I HATE Boston and the Boston Red Sox, but I have never been a Yankee fan (indifferences wins, usually) and I have always hated Derek Jeter. The reason I hate Derek Jeter is purely contrarian.
I was in middle school when Jeter was a rookie, and he was the new guy in town, and all you heard about was how he was So Hot.
There was this girl in my grade, I’ll call her Kasey. I did not like her. I don’t really remember why other than the boy I had a crush on seemed to pay her a lot of attention. I’m sure there were other reasons. I got picked on a lot in middle school and disliking people was a defense mechanism, of sorts.
Anyway, Kasey was known throughout the grade for her huge crush on Derek Jeter. I was quite the self-righteous little 8th grader (I probably deserved to be punched in the face) and already thought that crushing on Derek Jeter was stupid, but because Casey had a crush on Derek Jeter, is moved from stupid to despicable. Not that I ever said anything beyond the lunch table that I shared with my loyal band of nerdy boys and not like I was doing anything more valuable with my time, but it was the principle of the matter.
So, nearly 15 years later, I don’t like Derek Jeter, because some girl I didn’t like was very vocal about her crush on Derek Jeter.
Clearly, I am the principled one in this situation. I stick to my ideals, damnit!
Says:
watch what you’re saying about boston!
September 14th, 2009 at 8:43 amSays:
What if I only hate Boston for incredibly shallow reasons too?
September 14th, 2009 at 8:47 am(I’ve never actually been there)
Says:
Awesome blog! I /will/ be rolling it!
Christy
September 14th, 2009 at 10:35 amSays:
I don’t like Jeter either, but that’s because he acts so cool…like he can do no wrong. So even though I may not agree with your reasons for hating him, I appreciate that you do hate him nonetheless.
September 14th, 2009 at 1:33 pmSays:
This made me LOL, as the youths say. I have very specific reasons for hating that rat-face Derek Jeter. In 1996, the Braves were up 2-0 in the Series, and he was ubiquitous as the Yankees won four straight to beat the Braves in six games. He also had key hits against my two favorite pitchers, Glavine and Maddux. This is the sort of hate mingled with respect that makes me feel somewhat guilty, until I again realize that it is not because he is good that I hate him but because he is a rat-face pretty boy who is known for being perfect looking. My sister LOVED him from early on enough that she possessed the sought after AOL screename Jeter Two. I got so sick of hearing about him and how young and hot he was.
Then, three years ago, my dad flew him on a charter, and wouldn’t you know it, he was one of the most polite, courteous, and professional celebrity passengers he ever had. All the lowly lines boys got substantial tips from him, so he is even an egalitarian tipper. Fucking communist. Also, when the Yankees went down in shame in 2003 he was the only one I remember who held his head high, played hard till the end, and graciously accepted defeat. What a pussy.
My favorite ball players are the average joes, normal looking guys known for their craft like Glavine and Maddux. He’s a great player but still manages to be overrated and high on my to-kill list. I’d like him if he were known solely for his skill and performance on the field, but women love him, and they don’t love me, so I hope that fucker rots in hell.
September 14th, 2009 at 3:20 pm