About a year ago, I thought I would be maybe, possibly applying for Law School this fall. It quickly became clear that my head was in no way clear enough to begin the process. And also, um…I’m not sure I want to go to Law School. I have moments where it seems like a great idea, but also moments where I think “why the hell would I want to go to Law School?” 

The problem is that Law School has begun to seem like an inevitable instead of a want. 

Originally, I was going to go to Law School right after college. This Plan was in place fall of my junior year of college when I was still with The Ex and still thinking I would marry him. And then I broke up with him and wound up in Grad School by way of New York City instead.

I feel like no matter what I do, it’s a “delay” to whatever I want to do or am supposed to do. Let’s say I find another job in NYC and move back there, like I think I want to. Well then I’m putting off law school/moving to DC (where I might actually USE my MA degree) and “settling” in the career realm just to live in NYC. And I’m going to have to go to law school eventually, and I’m not getting any younger.

Or lets say I move to DC for a Dream Job. Then I’m still putting off Law School and I’m not living in NYC, and how am I ever going to the opportunity to live a charmed life in NYC again if I can’t find a way to live there? And I’m going to have to go to law school eventually, and I’m not getting any younger.

Or lets say I apply to law school next fall, for Fall 2011 admissions. The job market is terrible right now. Who’s to say it would be any better when I graduate? And where would I even GO to school? It’s not like I’m Top 10, or maybe even Top 20 material. Rutgers-Newark is the school that actually makes sense to me, because I plan to stay in the region and it’s super cheap (relatively speaking) then any other school in the area. But Rutgers Newark is something like 89th in the rankings.

(If my 16 years old self could see my 26 year old self obsessing over law school rankings, she’d be REALLY MAD)

I don’t know why I just can’t get it together and make A Plan. I feel like I’m wasting my time blogging about it on a Sunday morning when I could be taking a practice LSAT test, and then I’m annoyed that I’m in suburban Jersey, because if I were still living in Astoria, I’d have somewhere to go this morning, and damnit, I just want to live in NYC again, why does that have to seem so far out of the realm of possibility right now?

I don’t know where to go from here, but I feel like no matter what I do it’s going to come down to a choice between happiness and what I’m “supposed” to do, and that the overachiever inside of me will not let me settle down until I suck it up and commit myself to three years of potential misery with no guarantee of potential happiness.