I am surviving and I feel horrible for merely surviving, because I want to be awesome. At the job, that is. See, I’ve by the calendar been there nearly a month, but with all our Jewish holidays off I’ve only been there about 13 days.

So it’s frustraing. Especially because I am the type who hates to ask questions and hates to ask anyone for help and this is exactly the situation in which I need to simply ask questions.

I don’t know. I feel accomplished today because I made a lot of phone calls to get a form filled out when no one in house knew how to do it, but I also feel bad because I had to bother the same people (who I had to make multiple phone calls to) a few times.

I’m just still insecure right now. Some moments I feel okay, like I am picking up on things and learning my job and everything will come in time (as everyone keeps telling me) and other times I feel like a total idiot failure.

I’m just scared of total failure. I want to be good at this. And typical me, I’m frustrated that after 13 days on the job I’m not as good at the girl I”m replacing who was there for five years. I know it’s surface level irrational, but I know everyone got used to having someone in the position who just KNEW everything, and I don’t know anything, and so far, that’s just really hard to me.

I hope it will get better….I mean, it has to, right?