So I have to go to my discussion section in a few minutes – I skipped my other two classes to work on the thesis, but I can’t skip this. I am not panicked about the state of my thesis, which actually worries me more, because anytime I think a paper is decent it winds up being not quite right. I wasted a little bit of time playing the confession game on the libertarian message board, confessing “I think one of the reasons I wound up in grad school is because I was trying to impress a boy.
Then the next semester came. My favorite professor was teaching a theory class. Aforementioned boy was in that class. So I enrolled in that class. I made sure to do all my readings, so I would have smart, relevant things to say, because I wanted to impress him. The punchline? It was a Feminist Political Theory class.
Around the same time, a few of my professors were starting a political theory group. Both aloof-cute-boy and I were asked to join. As a result, I got to know Political-Theory professor better, and wound up taking two of his classes. Political Theory professor made me like theory even more, and told me I’d do well in academia. So, I gave it a shot. (Plus, I was still trying to make this boy think I was impressive)
And after two quarters of trying to rekindle my love of theory, I wound up writing a theory-leaning-towards-IR thesis and taking two IR classes my last quarter.
…and this is one of the responses I got, which made me smile
“I wish my attempts to impress girls got me doctorate degrees, instead of….. well making me look like a fool, and broke. Hell you are doing pretty good. You impressed me.
You should try to impress the boy again and see where that gets you. You might end up being president.”
Which is not to say that my attempts to impress boys have not made me look like a fool. However, I will have earned my Masters Degree in less than nine months, and that is far more productive than getting knocked up. Said boy is long since out of the picture, but I’m thinking I’ll find myself another aloof, emotionally unavailable boy to impress so I have some motivation to get through a PhD program!
