Grad school really is a freaking roller coaster. My good mood and positive attitude lasted approximately 16 hours. Now I am anxious over something I screwed up for work (the dread of waiting for your boss to come talk to you about what you wrong. In this case, the dread is going to last until 4 PM tomorrow when I next see him). I am also back to stressing out about empirical/statistical methods courses to the point of nausea.

I WANT  to be able to get into a PhD program. If I don’t get in where I want, am I going to regret not taking this stupid class that was recommended to me? Is it going to be one of my big “if onlys?” I’m trying to put this is perspective, but I’m having a difficult time, because being at U Chicago is like having blinders on. At U Chicago, they think they are The Authority on everything, and so whenever ANYONE in a position of authority tells you anything, you think you have to take them on their word, regardless of what you may think/feel.

(It’s funny. One of my “issues” is I have a lot of defense mechanisms that are often unhealthy. U Chicago has massive defense mechanisms issues, because outside of academia, people forget about U Chicago because it’s not among the Ivies. U Chicago is an amazing institution, and the name carries a lot of respect in academic/law school circles, but not to the general public. U Chicago thus overcompensates by proclaiming to by the Final Word on everything. I mean, I’m sure all schools do that to an extent, but Chicago is ridiculous about it.)

Maybe I should just lower my standards and accept the fact that no matter what I do I will not get into my Super-Secret-Dream-School. But then, what if getting some empirical methods experience is the deciding factor in considering me there, and blah.

And now it sounds like I’m basically whining because I don’t want to take a class because it’s hard and it’s boring and whatever. I mean, I know I’m going to have to do these things within a PhD program eventually. Maybe I should just suck it up on the Comparative Politics front.

Maybe I should just not take the class I think I need for my thesis; maybe I don’t really need a whole class on The Prince in order to incorporate Machiavelli into my thesis. And then I can take Florentine Republic next quarter anyway. Maybe.

Ug. I need to talk to someone who is not my precept about this and get a second opinion.