I woke up hating the universe this morning, and subsequently hating myself for hating the universe. I hate feeling this way, and a large part of why is because I know how it is to feel differently.

I just miss being so ridiculously happy. I miss feeling high on life — it’s a hard high to come down off of. And feeling like this segues into a whole other mess of random tangents and insecurities and blah.

I derive a weird form of comfort from the fact that I can just admit all this nonsense instead of painting pretty pictures. I’m Not. Happy. It’s so much easier to just admit that rather that expend all my energy trying to pretend I am, because then I can just go about my day and feel more normal, or something. I’ve gotten over taking myself seriously on Depression. It’s just another one of my quirks that pops up occasionally and has to be dealt with. That attitude keeps me from getting too sad and nonsense, forces me to laugh, and reminds me that I’m still pretty okay.

Positive Thinking/Things That Make Me Happy
-I’m wearing navy today. Navy makes my eyes look pretty
-I’m meeting up with some people from my Methods class for lunch/study group today. We’re going to try and make it a regular thing.
-In doing my reading for another class, it was nice to realize that my OCD habits in my IR class paid off — three years later, I still remember useless things like what the Treaty of Aix-Chappelle settled and the significance of the Conference of Berlin.