I was saying to Brent last night that in some ways, I wish I could just skip these next two weeks. Sure, they’re packed to the brim with fun activities, and seeing friends, and hanging out, but it’s all bittersweet. There are still a hundred things I wanted to do and won’t get to do. There are too many good-byes I have to say.
This is such a crazy time. I can’t adequately describe what it’s been like to be this content, or to feel this comfortable. To quote the great JBJ, “right here, right now, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.” And I have to leave all that, because professionally, I am not where I want to be, and so off I go to Chicago, to build my academic credentials. I have to leave, after having some of the best months of my life. This is similar to the way I felt right before graduating in December 2004, but different, because things have been good here for months and I’ve established a life for myself here. But then again, to use the wise words my favorite professor used when I expressed the sentiment that it sucked to leave Skidmore just when things were starting to go well: “You should always leave the party while you’re still having fun.”
And so that’s what I’m doing. Leaving in the middle, instead of at the end. Leaving things unanswered and unfinished and incomplete.
And so this is hard. And I’m going to have my moments (ok, maybe HOURS) where I’m a wreck. And while I know Chicago is the right choice, and there won’t be the hysterics there were on the first day at Camp Hamp (my father maintains that I was on my worst behavior; that I have never behaved that poorly in my life) there’s still going to be a lot of the stress and nervousness that comes with moving. And I just want it to be over with.
But then, I just want these two weeks to last forever. Because I don’t know if I’m ready for this.
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