Meh.
I wanted to come here and say that yesterday’s angsty entry could be attributed to it being Tuesday, but I still feel meh. And for no real reason! Although now I’m wondering if it is because I broke my “No boys until 2008” rule for this guy I met a few weeks ago. I was blinded by his Libertarian label and the fact that one of the first things he said to me was regarding his worship of Hayek and Friedman. He’s very smart and we have lots to talk about. Intellectually, he’s great for me. We’ve gone out a few times, and I certainly like kissing him more than not kissing anyone, but…meh.
This is the problem with all the guys I date and that is why I don’t go on more than a few dates with them, because I don’t really like them. It has been established that I can only like like a guy every couple of years. I’m not due to like anyone until as least mid 2007, and I keep telling myself that I will accept this and stop going out with boys I don’t really like.
Seriously, I feel like I’ve been on the same date 9,000 times. I came to this epiphany last summer, that I “niche market.” There is a certain type of guy that I date (and it’s really nothing like the type I actually fall for) and I know exactly what to do and say, and I can win them over in one date. I was relating to Brent the date I went on with Libertarian Boy and I was like “Yeah, I completely charmed him. As usual.”
And Brent was like “I know you must be able to do this, because you do it ALL the time, but it’s still hard to see you as ‘charming.’”
Exactly. And I went on a rant about the very same thing LAST year. Why have I not learned my lesson?!? I’ve been so content, so generally satisified with my life lately; there was absolutely no reason to mess with the balance of things. Dude, I’m going to Chicago in less than three months, there is REALLY no reason to bother with boys here. I’m an idiot.
Yes. Niche marketing indeed. They’re all perfectly nice guys, but…
They’re nice guys. And that’s the problem. I don’t really like nice guys. I mean, that was the problem with Rob too, his Catcher in the Rye obsession aside. I had a bizarre conversation with HWSNBN about this when things with Rob didn’t work out, and he said the same thing and was like ‘there’s a reason nice guys finish last.’ HWSNBN was definitely not a “nice guy” and I was ridiculously enamored with him for how long?
Wow. Wow. I guess this was what was bothering me.
Okay, I need to stop dating. I am so much happier when I’m not thinking about boys. I mean, duh I want to find someone I actually like, and I want to be loved, same as anyone, that’s totally human. But I’d also rather be alone than wish I were, and that’s important too. Hm. I’m sure some of this could come across as “Single girl trying to justify status!” but again, whatever. Wow. I had NO idea that this was what was bothering me, or that it was bothering me so much.
Yeah. I don’t like dating. I shouldn’t do it. I AM OFF MEN UNTIL 2008, Seriously, it either clicks, or it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t, it’s just not worth my time or energy.
So while this was not the entry I wanted to write or even planned to write, I feel a lot better having written it.
