So I went last night, and I actually had fun, and it was the right about of socializing to snap me out of my “waaah, I don’t want to socialize” mood.
I got home, and I talked to HeWhoShallNotBeNamed, who was ¾ of the way into a bottle of wine…which made for an interesting conversation, in which he called me “babe” and “darling” a lot.
But we also talked, really talked, for the first time in almost a year. He told me about things with his current girlfriend. He loves her. Considers her marriage material. There’s a small twinge of jealousy.
But when he says, “I still maintain that you and I never would have worked long term” I can finally agree. Hindsight is 20/20. And then to my surprise “But I know I should have treated you better. I didn’t give you enough credit, and I didn’t respect your feelings.”
That was shocking. Especially coming from him.
We talked about U Chicago, New York rents, and Astoria bars. I told him a little bit about my life.
And then it came back to “us” even though there was never really an “us.”
“Can we admit we had an aborted relationship?” he asks me. “I still insist it never would have worked, and I was right for saying that.”
“You were right. You didn’t have to be such an asshole, but it was college. So whatever.”
“Can I call you my ex-girlfriend?”
“I already call you my ex-boyfriend.”
“Nice!”
He’s gotten, as I teased “profound”, but really I think it’s just that he’s a bit more sensitive, probably the result of having a girlfriend he’s actually interested in keeping. And it’s weird; I’m kind of happy for him. I’m kind of happy that he’s not such a jerk anymore, even though he was such a jerk to me. It makes me feel like I wasn’t crazy for seeing that potential.
So it was an amusing conversation, rather confessional on his side, I must say, and…yeah. Talking to him no longer makes my heart pound or my hands shake. So finally making good on dinner is set for Saturday, and it’s going to be kind of weird, but a year after-the-fact, I think I am finally confident enough to handle it.
