Until around 1:30 I was having a really annoying day. After all, it is Tuesday! I had a pretty bad scare this morning, which luckily turned out to be a misunderstanding. However, by the time I realized that it was not what I thought, it was too late – I was already anxiety ridden and unable to calm myself down. It was ridiculous – my heart was pounding, my hands were shaking, I couldn’t concentrate. Of course, these could also be the results of a little too much caffeine, but I honestly felt terrible. And everyone at work seems to be a bad mood; everyone is snapping at each other, and being snippy with me, and it was making my anxiety worse. 
 
 
******************************************
 
People have been trying to guilt me into going to graduation. I’ve even been quilting myself about going to graduation. There are brief moments when I think I might like to go. But then I remember that the ceremony is hours long and boring, and that being up there for that will do nothing but upset me. I can handle it, and I’m not “avoiding” it necessarily. I just don’t think there’s any point in putting myself in a situation where I’m likely to get very weepy and mildly depressed. I don’t need that.
 
In so many ways, Skidmore was never a big part of my life. I never really got too attached to the place (just to the government department). When I visited Hampshire, I explained that I had a love/hate relationship with the place, whereas I was just indifferent to Skidmore. This was back in October, and thus before my triumphant Best Ending To College Ever, but I’m still not inclined to give the place much credit. Anything good that came out of Skidmore came from a one place and a few people. I was not a Skidmore student: I was a government major and a transfer student, but never a Skidmorian.
 
So yeah, I think I’m taking a day trip to somewhere that isn’t Saratoga on May 21.